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There’s No Name For It! It’s Just Too Painful!

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It’s Just Too Painful

We slowly pushed our trays as we viewed the K&W Cafeteria choices for lunch. My son, Bryan and I were on our way to the deer lease, but right now we were hungry. The servers were commenting that we chose the same entries and side dishes. “You can tell we’re father and son,” Bryan offered.

“You’re father and son?” the old gentleman in front of my son asked, turning in our direction.

“Yes sir” my son offered.

“Aw, it’s good to see fathers and sons eat together. I lost my son two months ago. He was my only son. He was 42, he died of a broken heart.” The old gentleman’s eyes rimmed with tears.

I gave him my condolences. My son did too. I volunteered that I was a minister and that Bryan was a pastor in Raleigh. He responded that he was a minister as well, a C.O.G.I.C. pastor.

I asked him if he was alone. When he said yes, I told him I would be honored if he shared the table with us. He accepted readily.

When we sat down, I invited him to pray for the food. What a prayer he prayed. Then we began a comfortable conversation. He told of the events of his minister son’s premature death.

With tears in his eyes he began to slowly talk. He said, “When a woman loses a husband, Daniel Webster called her a ‘widow’. When a husband loses a wife in death, he called him a ‘widower’. When a child loses their parents he decided to called them an ‘orphan’.

“But then old Daniel Webster thought about a name for when a parent loses their child.  He thought, and he thought. But then he shook his head and said that it was impossible to come up with a name for that. It was impossible because it was just too painful.”

We both cried together.

Written by Martyn Ballestero

January 10, 2010 at 12:24 am

Posted in Grief

5 Responses

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  1. I definitely related to the old gentleman’s definition for a parent losing a child. 34 years ago Raymond and I lost our only child, our sweet little five-year old Trent from a quick 3 day virus. There is still a big hole in my heart after all these years. So I cried with you both today!

    Nelda Kyzar

    January 10, 2010 at 9:38 am

  2. Wow, very touching story. Can not think of a worse event in life than to lose a child. Thank you for the story.

    Austin Hall

    January 10, 2010 at 11:54 pm

  3. Elder Ballestero I am really enjoying your thoughts….rks

    R Kent Smith

    January 13, 2010 at 8:20 am

  4. Bro. Ballestro:

    This story, in particular, touches my heart. Seven years ago, on October 30th, 2002, we (my wife and I) “lost” our “only son” in an automobile accident. We were on our way home from Wednesday evening service. Jonathan Paul, our son, was driving his sister’s vehicle. Jonathan Paul was 16. He was my “right hand man” at Church. He and I were fishing & hunting “best-buds”. He and I were able to communicate together about so many, many things pertaining to the work of God, living for God, and practical wisdom.

    It is true, Bro. Ballestero, there is no name for this. It is very, very painful-even seven years beyond the event. Yet-at the same time-we (my wife and I) do have the absolute assurance that we will see Jonathan Paul again–when we get “HOME”-where he currently resides (HEAVEN). What a comfort, what a motivation, what an assurance that FACT is for us.

    Brooks Coburn

    January 15, 2010 at 9:06 am

  5. Yes….no name for it…I remember my mother losing her 10th child,youngest son 26 years ago….the pain is still there…and now in her 90s she already lost five of the eleven children….she keeps mourning for all of them…my son is young and at least during weekend I have his child with me,can see them whenever I want to…but my pain is knowing he’s not serving The Lord! But I believe that as long as he lives,there is hope…I will keep praying and pleading Jesus’ blood for him and his family….


    August 14, 2014 at 4:17 am

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