The Ballestero Blog

I am reading a book by Gary Smalley. “Hidden Keys of a Loving Lasting Marriage.” Mr. Smalley has several lists in this book that may prove important to your marriage.

(My experience as a former pastor is that those that have problems at home, wind up having problems at church.)

100 Ways You Can Love Your Wife Her Way.

Discuss this list with your wife.

• Ask her to check the ones that are meaningful to her
• Arrange them in order of importance to her.
• Use the list as a basis for learning her views.

I know your relationship will be greatly strengthened as you learn how to use these suggestions.

100 Ways

1.Communicate with her; never close her out.

2. Regard her as important.

3. Do everything you can to understand her feelings.

4. Be interested in her family.

5. Ask her opinion frequently.

6. Value what she says.

7. Let her feel your approval and affection.

8. Protect her on a daily basis.

9. Be gentle and tender with her.

10. Develop a sense of humor.

11. Avoid sudden major changes without discussion or giving her time to adjust.

12. Learn to respond openly and verbally when she wants to communicate.

13. Comfort her when she is down emotionally. For instance put your arms around her and silently hold her for a few seconds without lectures or putdowns.

14. Be interested in what she feels is important in life.

15. Correct her gently and tenderly.

16. Allow her to teach you without putting up your defenses.

17. Make special time available to her and your children.

18. Be trustworthy.

19. Compliment her often.

20. Be creative when you express your love, either in words or in actions.

21. Have specific family goals for each year.

22. Let her buy things she considers necessary.

23. Be forgiving when she offends you.

24. Show her you need her.

25. Accept her the way she is; discover her uniqueness as special.

26. Admit your mistakes. Don’t be afraid to be humble.

27. Lead your family in a spiritual relationship with God.

28.Allow your wife to fail; discuss what went wrong after you have comforted her.

29. Rub her feet or neck after a hard day.

30. Take time for the two of you to sit and talk calmly.

31. Go on romantic outings,

32. Write her a letter occasionally, telling her how much you love her.

33. Surprise her with a card or flowers.

34. Express how much you appreciate her.

35. Tell her how proud you are of her.

36. Give advice in a loving way when she asks for it.

37. Defend her to others.

38. Prefer her over others.

39. Do not expect her to do activities beyond her emotional or physical capabilities.

40. Pray for her to enjoy God’s best in life.

41. Take time to notice what she has done for you and the family.

42. Brag about her to other people behind her back.

43. Tell her about your job if she is interested.

44. Share your thoughts and feelings with her.

45. Take time to know how she spends her day at work or at home.

46. Learn to enjoy what she enjoys.

47. Take care of the kids before dinner.

48. Help straighten up the house before mealtime.

49. Let her take a bubble bath while you do the dishes.

50. Understand her physical limitations if you have several children.

51. Discipline the children in love, not in anger.

52. Help her finish her goals — hobbies or education.

53. Treat her as if God hand stamped on her forehead, “Handle with care.”

54. Get rid of habits that annoy her.

55. Be gentle and thoughtful of her relatives.

56. Do not compare her relatives with yours in a negative way.

57. Thank her for things she has done without expecting anything in return.

58. Do not expect the band to play when you help with house cleaning.

59. Make sure she understands everything you are planning to do.

60. Do little things for her – An unexpected kiss, coffee in bed.

61. Treat her as an intellectual equal.

62. Find out if she wants to be treated as physically weaker.

63. Discover her fears in life.

64. See what you can do to eliminate her fears.

65. Discover her intimate needs.

66. Ask if she wants to discuss how you can meet her intimate needs.

67.Find out what makes her insecure.

68. Plan your future together.

69. Do not quarrel over words, but try to find hidden meanings.

70. Practice common courtesies like holding the door open for her or pouring her coffee.

71. Ask if you offend her in any way when being intimate with her.

72. Ask if she is jealous of anyone.

73. She if she is uncomfortable about the way money is spent.

74. Take her on dates now and then.

75. Hold her hand in public.

76. Put your arm around her in front of friends.

77. Tell her you love her — often.

78. Remember anniversaries, birthdays, and other special occasions.

79. Learn to enjoy shopping.

80. Teach her to hunt and fish or whatever you enjoy doing.

81. Give her a special gift from time to time.

82. Share the responsibilities around the house.

83. Do not belittle her feminine characteristics.

84. Let her express herself freely, without fear of being called stupid, or illogical.

85. Carefully choose your words, especially when angry.

86. Do not criticize her in front of others.

87. Do not let her see you become excited about the physical features of another woman.

88. Be sensitive to other people.

89. Let your family know that you want to spend special time with them.

90. Fix dinner for her from time to time.

91. Be sympathetic when she is sick.

92. Call her when you are going to be late.

93. Do not disagree with her in front of the children.

94. Take her out to dinner and for little getaways.

95. Do the “little things” she needs from time to time.

96. Give her special time to be alone or with her friends.

97. Buy her what she considers an intimate gift.

98. Read a book she recommends to you.

99. Give her an engraved plaque assuring her of your lasting love.

100. Write a poem about how special she is.

If your wife persistently reacts negatively to you, it may be because she perceives a threat to one or both of two important areas: 1) her security 2) her established relationships.