The Ballestero Blog

It’ll Happen Every Time!

A Revival will always cause a Flu epidemic in the church.

The Sister with the biggest hairdo will sit down right in front of you.

The people, who needed the sermon the most, will be absent.

The visitor’s baby will be good and not fussy all service until the preacher is ready to give the altar call.

People, who normally won’t come to church, will always show up at the picnic.

If you visit a new church and sit in the front, you will be called to the nursery because your toddler threw up.

Your cell phone will only ring during one of the quiet moments of the service.

Saying, “Let us pray,” is the signal for some to go to the restroom.

Disruptive and rowdy children will always sit in front of the visitors.

Parents with the noisiest and disruptive children will appear to be deaf.

People are always available to help with the work that is finished.

If you experience restroom emergency, both stalls will be in use.

When you bring a guest, and the offering plate is passed, you’ll not have any cash.

The passing freight train will always blow its whistle and be louder than the person with the microphone.

Someone will always attempt to shake your hand as they exit the church restroom. Of course, their hand will still be damp.

When you need your privacy the most, some church member will recognize you by looking at your shoes under the restroom stall door, and try to start a conversation with you.

The lady that gets asked to come to the platform and sing will always have to put her shoes on first.

Shouters will get their wildest only when first-time visitors are present.

The song that is sung for altar call will have nothing in common with the sermon.

When the pastor says, “In closing,” there is still time for you to read the entire 119th Psalm.

Every child over three can worship or shout like any one of the saints, upon request.

The noise made by opening the candy wrapper will sound louder in church than anywhere else.

Church members that cheer and yell for their favorite ball team will be among the quietest during the worship service.

The night the pastor would like to impress the visiting minister with his congregation size, will also be the night the crowd is the smallest.

The first that come to the altar to pray after a sobering message will be the ones that probably needed it the least. The ones that should have come first won’t come at all.

The loudest voice in the choir will belong the one who cannot carry a tune.

The older a church member gets, the louder the public-address system sounds.

The battery in the cordless microphone will go out during the best part of the sermon.

The only restaurants open after a long service are the ones no one wants to go to.

The preacher that’s the longest-winded in your church will preach on the night you can barely stay awake.

The bat flying in the church auditorium will come closest to the person who is the most afraid of bats, and who also has the loudest voice.

The last person you want to testify when there are visitors is the first one up!

It’ll Happen Every Time!