The Ballestero Blog

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If You Were A Gentleman!

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If You Were A Gentleman!

  • Man is not born a Gentleman; he’s made into one.
  • Someone had to help him.
  • He had to be taught.
  • Either his parents, his family, the woman he loves, or his friends participated in his education.
  • If you were a Gentleman, it wouldn’t be an accident. There are some things you would do and some things you wouldn’t.

For Example:

At 13, my mother instructed me to pull out the chairs at the table for my 4 younger sisters. She also told me she wanted me to open the doors for them as well.

I was not thrilled at all with my new duties. I did it, but without enthusiasm or smiles. When we were alone one day, I asked my mother why I had to pull out chairs and open doors for my little sisters.

She said, “If you don’t know how to treat your sisters nice, you’ll never know how to treat your wife nice.”

Women notice not only the obvious, but they are keenly aware of the little things that guys do every day.

While some behavior is acceptable around most guys, the women, the men are attracted to, might not welcome it.


Here’s Some Advice You Never Asked For, Didn’t Want, And Became Offended When It Was Given To You.



Some Do’s And Don’ts:

1. Include The Pastor (And God) In Your Courtship

  • Ask his opinion of her.
  • Ask him if he would approve of you two ‘seeing each other.’
  • Invite him to pray with you about her.
  • A relationship with a wrong person may destroy you.
  • Someone worth marrying is most often found worshipping or around an altar, not hanging around the foyer.
  • Break up with her, if your Pastor advises you to. Be thankful that he is watching for your soul.
  • Be very worried if your parents don’t like her.
  • Honor their requests.

2. Be On Time

3. Hygiene:

  • Take a shower, we have showerhead systems available cheap these days, use soap.
  • Deodorant is a must. Not a Musk.
  • Brush your teeth. At least one of them.
  • Use mouthwash if necessary.
  • Sanitary wipes are important. Use them.
  • Use the Q-tips. Clean out your ears.
  • Cologne can be smelled from afar. It can be overwhelming. Be careful.

4. Clothes:

  • Polish your shoes.
  • Clean and trim your fingernails.
  • Don’t mix blacks and browns
  • Find a tie without any food stains
  • By dressing up for her, you are sending the signal that you think she is important.
    • (Why do guys so quickly fall into a relaxed mode when it comes to chivalry, etiquette and manners? Every guy needs some help in one or more of these areas.)
    • Remember: EVERYTHING you say, do, and wear on important occasions, will be forever remembered.

5. Dining Manners:

  • Open all doors for her.
  • Pull the chair out for the lady when she is being seated.
  • Pull the chair out for the lady when it is time to leave.
  • Help her with her coat. (On or off.)
  • When a lady stands to leave a table to go to the powder room, a gentleman stands while she leaves the table.
  • He stands again when a lady returns to the table.
  • Always chew with your mouth closed
  • Don’t talk with your mouth full.
  • Take modest sized bites
  • Avoid ordering food with garlic.
  • Don’t use your finger to shove food onto your fork. Use a properly sharpened knife and fork or some bread or pita.
  • Place your napkin in your lap and not in your collar.
  • Do not eat as if you were condemned.
  • Women are grossed out immediately by bad table manners.
  • When you pay the waiter, don’t be stingy and tip to the exact cent.
  • You can look at a check and figure 10% in your head. Round it off and then double it.
  • She will figure, that if you are tight with the waitress, you will be tight with her. She will be right.
  • No burping, passing gas or spitting.

6. Conversation:

  • Former girlfriends should not be entering into your conversations.
  • Ask her questions about herself.
  • Don’t yap on and on about you.
  • Most Men love with their eyes, most Women love with their ears.
  • Talk to the Girl. (About Herself!)

7. Wedding Plans: (If you ever make it that far)

  • If you dominate the plans concerning the wedding, you’re not wise.
  • A Wedding is the ultimate social event in a woman’s life. Let her have all the free rein she needs in it’s planning.
  • Follow her lead. You won’t be sorry.
  • Any negativity from you will not be forgotten.

8. Don’t sound like a control freak to her.

  • Even if her music is different from what you like, let her play it.
  • There will be time to play yours.
  • Let her be the keeper of the home.
  • Let her decorate the way that makes her happy.
  • Sometimes you win by surrendering.
  • It’s OK to let your heart and your head get a little mushy about the girl.

9. Hats

  • Take your hat or cap off when you meet a lady.
  • Take it off in the elevator
  • Take it off in the church
  • Take it off at the table

10. Bring flowers. Bring Candy, Don’t be cheap.


11. The Male Ego

  • A Gentleman does not have to thump his chest and act like Tarzan to be a man.
  • Use your physical strengths to be a blessing, not a brawler.
  • Men seem to want the woman to submit to their authority after marriage, yet some men struggle with submitting to God’s authority or even Pastoral authority.
  • Why should she submit to you when you won’t submit?
  • A Gentleman never sits when a lady has to stand. On a bus, in a waiting room, or any other crowded setting. Give her your seat.
  • Never require of another what you would not be willing to do yourself.
  • The real measure of a man is not his biceps or chest size. A true measure of a man is between his ears. His thinking, his decisions, his choices are indicators of his maturity.
  • Get a job, search on the top job search websites. A steady job. Keep your job. Don’t quit it because you found something you didn’t like about it. Have consistency in your life.
  • Pay your bills.
  • Be a man. Don’t just talk the talk, walk the walk.

12. Your Eyes

  • Like the Bible says, ‘make a covenant’ with your eyes.
  • Look her in the eyes when you are talking.
  • Don’t stare at her chest.
  • (God forbid you be seen staring at another girl’s body in her presence.)
  • A Christian Gentleman doesn’t ogle a lady’s physical attributes. Look her in the eyes!



13. Dress Size

  • If you are determined that a girl has to be a certain dress size for you to be interested, then a dress size may all you ever get out of that relationship
  • Don’t rob yourself of possibly the best kept Treasure in Pentecost, just because you are hung up on what you think a woman’s dress size should be.


14. Who’s Going to Pay?

  • Never let her pay for your food, or your gas, for that matter.
  • A Gentleman pays for all the expenses.
  • You are the ‘pursuer’ so you do the paying.
  • She will love you if you’re rich or poor. If you don’t have a lot of money, she understands. Just do what you can afford to do.
  • Don’t be a piker or be skimpy on what you spend on her. She will resent the fact that, if you do have some money, you were too tight to spend it on her.
  • She will be quick to appreciate your sacrifice.
  • Just because you bought her a hamburger, doesn’t mean she OWES you anything!


15. The Nose

  • If you must blow your nose… excuse yourself,
  • Leave the table to do it if possible.
  • If you can’t, turn your back to the table guests, take care of your business and then pocket the filled handkerchief.
  • Never place a napkin with filled with snot back on the table. Especially if the boogers are showing.
  • Remember, a wet nose is only tolerated on dogs.
  • PS. If a cold or sinus drainage is an issue, try medication.
  • Keep your finger out of your nose.
  • No booger picking or flipping.


16. The Phone

  • When you call a girl’s house and her parents or siblings answer the phone, take a few moments and talk to them.
  • Never blurt out immediately, “Is _____ There?”
  • Your taking time to talk to the Mother or Father will go a long way in helping your future with the family.
  • When you are together, don’t spend your time texting other people. Focus on who you are with.
  • Never text and drive.
  • Your texting and calling other people at the table tells everyone there that they are not important to you.
  • I know you don’t text in church.
  • Never be part of sending or receiving inappropriate photos and texts.
  • If she is willing to send you an inappropriate photo, you have just been warned as to her lack of morals and consecration.

17. The Man Draws The Line

  • A Christian Gentleman draws the line.
  • He would respect her
  • He would never make improper advances or say suggestive things
  • He would never touch her in an inappropriate manner or place.
  • He would never think of asking her to ‘Prove Her Love”
  • He would respect his parents, her parents and their pastor’s guidelines for courtship.
  • When a lady says ‘NO’, that means ‘NO”.
  • After you say goodnight, if you have to repent before you go to bed, then something is wrong with your relationship.

18. Be A Worshipper

  • What does this have to do with courtship? Maybe plenty.
  • A man who has a difficult time expressing his love and affection for God, may have a difficult time expressing his affection to the woman he loves.


19. How Long Do You Stay Out?

  • Always honor the parental or the pastor’s curfew.
  • If there is none then be honorable and have her home BEFORE midnight.
  • Protect yourself and protect her, don’t spend a lot of ‘alone time’. There is safety in numbers.
  • Inform the parents about where you plan to go and what you plan to do.
  • Make sure they have your cell number and invite them to call you if the need arises.
  • The Bible already said your flesh is weak. It is weak. Quit trying to prove it’s not. Don’t knowingly put yourself or her in a position to be tempted. There is no girl worth going to hell over.


20. Never Let The Romance Die.

  • After marriage, let the courtship continue until your last breath.



When my mom and dad got married, after the wedding, they had to take a city bus. Dad jumped on first to pay for them both and walked toward the back of the bus. When he turned around, he saw that mother was not on the bus. Looking out of the back window, he saw her still back on the street corner.

He jumped off at the next stop and ran the several blocks back. He asked, “What’s the matter Connie?”

She said, “Where I come from, a gentleman lets a lady on the bus first.”

My father apologized and said, “I’m so sorry. I didn’t have a mother to teach me or have I ever had a sweetheart. Would you teach me?”


All of us need help; we just need it in different areas. Let her know that if you are doing something that is distracting to her, you are willing to be helped. Then change.

If you treat her like a Queen, she’ll treat you like a King!


May The Lord Bless You.

Written by Martyn Ballestero

December 29, 2010 at 5:47 pm

25 Responses

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  1. This is excellent advice to those who have not matured and simply grew taller over time. I will be using this with my sons! Thank you Elder!
    Let Creedom Ring!

    Christopher Reed

    December 29, 2010 at 6:07 pm

    • I was taught this way. However some of it seems to slip away. Thank you Elder for the reminder.

      Jonathan Pierce

      December 29, 2010 at 6:44 pm

  2. This is so good Marty. A wife will not usually say these things to her husband but you better believe it is important. All young men should be required to read this. I’m serious.

    Marian June Davis

    December 29, 2010 at 7:13 pm

    • Thanks Mom! And thank you for your help in trying to train me! Love you!


      December 29, 2010 at 8:02 pm

  3. Hi Bro Ballestero,
    You just got done preaching our Conqueror’s Conference in Tucson AZ!!! You were the AWESOMEST day preacher EVER!!!! Thank you soooo much!!! I’m the girl that told you on Friday that I read your blog! If you have a chance come read mine some time! You would LOVE it! 🙂

    Mary GInty

    December 31, 2010 at 4:09 am

  4. This is great teaching Elder. I forwarded this to all our young peoples email, it is so needed today! Thank you & I enjoy your blog very much! Lord bless

    P.s. Would love to read your thoughts on ‘Being a Lady’

    Larry Harrington

    December 31, 2010 at 12:26 pm

  5. This is a great article. Though I new most of it already, It is great to have it on paper, I can read it before I leave the house everyday.


    January 1, 2011 at 4:22 pm

  6. Throughly enjoyed this blog. Definitely a college level course in something that should be elementary. Thank you Elder!

    Larry Billings

    January 1, 2011 at 5:52 pm

  7. You should right another article or have your wife write another article for females…”If you were a Lady!” Everyone is reading this article and LOVING IT!!! The ladies aricle would be great cuz we NEED IT TOO!!! 🙂
    Mary from


    January 2, 2011 at 6:01 pm

  8. Incredible post…thank you!

    Sharon Pierce

    January 3, 2011 at 5:45 pm

  9. Love it, brother of mine!! You are the best gentleman I know!! I love how thoughtful you are of all the women in your life. You da best!!!


    January 3, 2011 at 9:59 pm

  10. This was an amazing article! And I agree with Mary…I would love to see an article for the ladies:)


    January 4, 2011 at 9:16 pm

  11. I agree with the others…would your lovely wife be interested in writing one for the ladies? So much has been lost over the generations, I want to see my own kids get back to these basics! Thank you for taking the time to do this!!!


    January 5, 2011 at 11:59 am

  12. A very interesting read for a single female getting to know a gentleman…more of our young ladies should read this…it would give them an idea of what they are looking for in the right kind of guy. I would never have considered the idea that his ability to express his love to God is an indicator of if he will be able to express love to a lady, but when I look at the men in my world I realize that is an amazingly accurate indicator! And I’m all in for a similar article for ladies.


    January 5, 2011 at 4:33 pm

  13. Excellent teaching Elder. Thank you!


    January 6, 2011 at 12:04 am

  14. Bro. Ballestero,

    This is an article that everyone needs to read. I sent this to everyone on my email list! A friend of mine responded and told me “thank you” for sneding it to her because she was in a relationship with the wrong guy. Your post showed her that he was the wrong guy to be with. Thank you Bro. Ballestero!

    If you could. could you ask your wife or you to write one about “If You Were a Lady”. I know so many young girls (as well as myself) who need it. It would be greatly appreciated by all of us girls in Pentecost!

    Thank you again 🙂

    Meagan Rowell

    Meagan Rowell

    January 6, 2011 at 4:13 pm

    • Thank you my Dear for the kind words and suggestion. I will ask my wife!


      January 6, 2011 at 8:28 pm

  15. This is wonderful. Thank you so much, and may God continue to impress and inspire you in writing this blog for a long, long time. I just found this site, and am looking forward to many more entries.


    January 6, 2011 at 5:59 pm

  16. Awesome!

    S Smith

    January 8, 2011 at 3:20 pm

  17. My husband is a youth pastor in Dallas. I can’t wait to share this with our young men! I have already posted it on my facebook. I would love to teach it as a class or maybe a few sessions! Thanks for saying what we are all thinking!!

    Lori green

    January 9, 2011 at 11:06 pm

  18. Awesome post… A lot of it I knew about, but there is a few things I could work on… Awesome, awesome post…. God Bless you…


    Christian R.

    April 13, 2011 at 12:01 am

  19. Praise God again!! While reading I was laughing and agreeing. Need more gentlemen in the world and mostly in our UPC churches. A teaching that has gone away with the older generation. Thank you for sharing. Our children deserve to repect and to be respected. Thank you!

    Belinda McCorvey

    August 6, 2012 at 5:16 pm

  20. So amazed with good imformation which will produce apostolic families

    stanley bupe kalo

    June 27, 2014 at 5:36 pm

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