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Some Things, You Never Get Over

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Some Things, You Never Get Over

A well-meaning friend may speak a phrase that will hurt your heart for years. They may say something like, “You just need to just get over it.”

While there are many areas in life where that might be good advice, sometimes it goes off like a bomb. The loss of a loved one is something only time can process.

My Sister, Beverly Anne died at the age of seventeen. She was a sickly child that never got to skip a rope one day in her life. She never had a boyfriend or a date. She never got to go to school after the fourth grade. Her problems began at birth and steadily worsened.

My Mother was such a good caregiver and was very attentive to her needs. Beverly’s body produced no calcium. Her hair and finger nails would not grow, her eyes were bad, and her bones wouldn’t mend when broken.

She had the Holy Ghost, and early one Monday morning on June 4, 1962 she died speaking in tongues in her bed. We stood around the bed praying with her. Her pain had been intense, then it lifted and for a half an hour or so, she spoke in tongues and the Lord took her home. Beverly was 14 months younger than me.

I graduated from South Bend Central High School the day the buried my Sister. My Mom couldn’t come. Overwhelmed with emotions I cannot describe, my mother went to bed.

Especially for the next 25 years or so, whenever Beverly’s birth date of April 22nd or June 4th rolled around, my Mom would take advantage of a pause in the table conversation. She would say, from seemingly from out of nowhere, “Do you know what today is?” We all knew.

I’ve made numbers of trips to the cemetery over the years and visited her grave. I guess I was doing it for me. I’ve sat there on the grass and talked to her several times, even since I’ve been a grandpa.

Some Things, You Never Get Over

How can someone say, “You need to get over it,” and feel that one little blanket statement should work in every situation?

What about:

  • A wife whose world just got shattered by a stupid acting husband? Do you just say get over it to the wife?
  • When the loving spouse of 40 years dies suddenly? Do you just say get over it to the widow?
  • When you find out that your friend’s daughter is addicted to Meth? Do you just tell her father to get over it?
  • If disease puts your friend in a wheel chair. Do you just say get over it?
  • You get the point?

 

Some Things, You Never Get Over

This past February, I picked up my cell phone to call my Dad about something. Then I froze and sadly laid the phone back down. Daddy died in 9/11/1994. He has been gone many years now, but my inward need to talk to him is still present. It’s just something I’ve never gotten over.

No one else knows exactly how you feel in your grief. Someone else may have lost a child, a spouse or friend like you have, but they still don’t really know how you feel.

I cannot imagine dumping the harsh sounding words of “get over it” upon a grieving soul. That would be the ultimate indignity.

  • Tell them you love them.
  • Tell them you are praying for them.
  • Hug them.
  • Cry with them.
  • But please don’t ever say, “ You just need to get over it.”

The reason you never get over it is because you loved them. You cared for them. You needed them. They needed you. They enriched you. You gave them your heart. They gave you theirs. Your hearts were meshed together. Part of you is now missing. They left you with treasured memories that time will never take away.

Some Things, You Never Get Over.

 

 

Written by Martyn Ballestero

October 31, 2011 at 12:11 am

Posted in Grief

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9 Responses

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  1. Elder, my wife and I remember Beverly well, what a sweet spirit she had, she was sick and even feeble but always had a smile and a thank you for any little thing you would do for her. I never think of her without the scripture coming to mind also,
    Heb 13:2 ….some have entertained angels unawares.
    I know she wasn’t a stranger but I’m not to sure she wasn’t an angel!

    D.L.Morris

    October 31, 2011 at 1:12 am

  2. So true. Thank you for writing. As for our sweet sister, her spirit was so kind and gentle, never complaining. I remember her sitting by the big window in the living room watching the kids play outside. She didn’t whine about not being able to play, she apologized to mom for having to be waited on. How sad for you to have your graduation at the same day of the funeral. I can’t believe, after all these years, it still hurts.

    Nila Marxer

    October 31, 2011 at 8:16 am

  3. This is a very touching story about your sister. I lost my 19 year old son to suicide 16 years ago, A so called friend asked me a month after his suicide was I over it. You never get over something like your sister’s death or my son’s suicide. You just learn to live with it by the help of the mighty God we serve.

    Margaret Hale

    October 31, 2011 at 3:48 pm

  4. Thanks for the post today, It really touched my heart. I lost my brother to an auto accident 21 years ago, he was a couple months from being 20 years old. We were very close. You never get over the pain and grief inside, It does get easier with time, but there are days when I will just sit and cry. He was so on fire for God, filled with the Holy Ghost and loved to play the drums at church. I will see him again soon on the streets of gold. Thank you for touching my heart today.

    Daryl Jorden

    October 31, 2011 at 4:40 pm

  5. I have heard of Beverly so much over the years that I sometimes forget that she was gone before my time. Why would you want to get over someone so precious? People like this who touch our lives leave such a deep and lasting impression it would be a shame to forget them.

    Crystal Smith (Morris)

    October 31, 2011 at 11:46 pm

  6. There are things that happen in this life that we will never get over or understand until we reach heaven. Until then we trust that our lovng heavenly Father knows best and we will understand bye and bye. Some day we will understand and see why we had to know this pain.

    Doris Renshaw

    November 1, 2011 at 10:38 am

  7. Thank you, dear brother, for permission to not “get over it”. I, along with many others, have been told to “just get over” horribly abusive childhoods. Oh really? The Holy Ghost can and has done wonderful things in my spirit to bring healing, but it has been and continues to be a struggle every step of the way and hideous scars do remain. We will “get over it” only when we step on the other side of this wretched, miserable life.

    One Of Them

    November 2, 2011 at 1:33 pm

  8. Thank you, Bro. Ballestero! Mama at age 67,went to heaven 5 months ago, June 6th. The pain is truly unbearable at times, the only comfort comes from knowing she was ready. Thank you again, so many seems to not want to give a person time to grieve.

    D Whitfield

    November 5, 2011 at 10:17 pm

  9. I cried when I read this. I long to speak to my Dad just once more. He died believing his healing would be miraculous and life-sparing, but God decided to take him instead. The damage and havoc this event wreaked upon my own faith almost 8 years ago is something I will never get over. I readily admit to being stuck in “grief mode” and I’ll visit churches in hopes of finding comfort, but I guess my expectations are too high. I do love to read your posts and feel your heart speaking out with each word. For now, your blog is the only “church” I attend. Thank you.


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