The Ballestero Blog

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Murphy’s Law For Pentecostals

with 12 comments

Murphy’s Law For Pentecostals


A Revival will always cause a Flu epidemic in the church.

The Sister with the biggest hairdo will sit down right in front of you.

The people, who needed the sermon the most, will be absent.

The visitor’s baby will be good and not fussy all service, until the preacher is ready to give the altar call.

People, who normally won’t come to church, will always show up at the picnic.

If you sit in the front of a new church, you will be called to the nursery because your toddler threw up.

Your cell phone will only ring during one of the quiet moments of the service.

Saying, “Let us pray,” is the signal for some to go to the restroom.

Disruptive and rowdy children will always sit in front of the visitors.

Parents with noisy and disruptive children will appear to be deaf.

People are always available for work that is finished.

If you experience restroom emergency, both stalls will be in use.

When you bring a guest, and the offering plate is passed, you’ll not have any cash.

The passing freight train will always blow it’s whistle louder than the person with the Mic..

Someone will always attempt to shake your hand as they exit the church restroom. Their hand will still be damp.

When you need your privacy the most, some church member will recognize you by looking at your shoes under the restroom stall door, and try to start a conversation with you.

The lady that gets asked to come to the platform and sing will always have to put her shoes on first.

Shouters will get their wildest only when first time visitors are present.

The song that is sung for altar call will have nothing in common with the sermon.

When the pastor says, “In closing,” there is still time for you to read the entire 119th Psalm.

Every child over three, can worship or shout like any one of the saints, upon request.

The noise made by opening the candy wrapper will sound louder in church than anywhere else.

Church members that cheer and yell for their favorite ball team will be among the quietest during the worship service.

The night the pastor would like to impress the visiting minister with his congregation size, will also be the night the crowd is the smallest.

The first that come to the altar to pray after a sobering message will be the ones that probably needed it the least. The ones that should have come first won’t come at all.

The loudest voice in the choir will belong the one who cannot carry a tune.

The older a church member gets, the louder the public address system sounds.

The battery in the cordless microphone will go out during the best part of the sermon.

The only restaurants open after a long service are the ones no one wants to go to.

The preacher that’s the longest-winded in your church will preach on the night you can barely stay awake.

The bat flying in the church auditorium will come closest to the person who is the most afraid of bats, and who also has the loudest voice.


Written by Martyn Ballestero

January 7, 2012 at 12:06 am

Posted in Humor

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12 Responses

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  1. this is too funny. thanks for posting


    January 7, 2012 at 12:16 am

  2. LOL this is such a Good Medicine for the Heart Bro. Ballestero. This so True that happens in God’s Services . We love the Ballestero Family.

    William Battise

    January 7, 2012 at 3:58 am

  3. This is soooooooo true. I love it.

    Sue Pinell

    January 7, 2012 at 10:05 am

  4. Thanks for making me laugh today, and if my Pastor reads this, he will know the one that made me laugh the hardest. (it was the one about reading the 119th chapter of Psalms) God bless you Bro. Ballestero

    Daryl Jorden

    January 7, 2012 at 2:04 pm

  5. I had to laugh my way through this. They kept getting better. For me the funniest was the last. I dislike spiders, and one service night, there was a spider that kept weaving his web within five feet of where I was sitting. I have no memory of the entire message or altar call. That was bad.


    January 7, 2012 at 3:58 pm

  6. Bro. Ballestero, read this on fb. Am re-posting it (with your name on), because I don’t think there’s a Pentecostal out there who cannot relate to 99.9% of this!!! So hilarious. Thank you!

    Lesley Kelley (Shingle Springs, Ca)

    January 7, 2012 at 5:39 pm

  7. Very Amusing but has a message to it. We all are annoying!. LOL Yahweh bless you Brother Ballestero.

    Lawrence W. Wismer

    January 7, 2012 at 7:45 pm

  8. All true and very funny observations. Where I’m from saying “Let’s get ready to receive an offering!” is the signal for some to go to the restroom or for visitors to make a run for it.

    J.J. Oropeza

    January 7, 2012 at 7:54 pm

  9. Oh yeah! Sounds like home!! LOL! You forgot the one about the last person you want to testify when there are visitors is the first one up! I guess we all have something that annoys us and something about us that annoys someone else! Wouldn’t be Apostolic church otherwise!= ‘D

    Crystal Smith (Morris)

    January 8, 2012 at 1:24 am

  10. Lol, witty and true…


    January 8, 2012 at 4:03 am

  11. Too funny!

    William Price

    January 22, 2012 at 8:01 am

  12. LOL So true! I really enjoyed hearing you preach at woman’s conference!

    Christian Carrington

    January 24, 2012 at 7:43 pm

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