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Attending My First Jesus Conference – Review

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Attending My First Jesus Conference – Review


We all sat down on the ground. About five thousand of us men, plus the women and children.

The hill faced the Sea of Galilee, sloping gently downward. People were busy chatting with their neighbors and acquaintances. Expectations ran high. We had all come to hear Jesus teach and hoped to see a miracle or two.

It had been a deal though, because of all the expenses. When I first arrived, I was required to stable my mule in their facilities. If I didn’t, my mule would be moved and I would be fined. The stable fee was 4 shekels per hour.

Security searched us all for weapons or anything else they thought might be dangerous. Some kid in the line ahead of me had a slingshot and five smooth stones in his pouch. He was told that those items would be taken from him in the name of the King Herod.

Outside the gate, some boys were selling Palm Branches for 60 pence each or two for 100 pence. I bought two.

At the main gate, some guy sat at a table and collected the entrance fee of thirty pieces of silver per service. His name tag said, Matthew.  Many speculated that the cost was to offset the rental of the conference space. No money was ever given to any of the speakers, so was just to cover the cost of promotion, advertising and operating expenses, I guess.

Everyone who was pre-registered was given a small piece of parchment with their personal information written on it which was to be to hung around the neck. Mine simply said:



Thomas’ son

Tribe of Judah


The headquarters hotel for this event was, The Inn. The prices there were about double the normal rate. I paid one hundred and ninety pieces of silver a night for mine, plus tax. I wasn’t sure how long the conference was going to last but I could only stay two nights. The man at the counter told the people in the line behind me that they had no more rooms available and recommended they go down the street to see if Stable 6 had anything available.

Big signs were everywhere warning potential vendors against setting up tables or the selling of any wares. Rumor was that at the last Jesus Conference, Jesus had overturned some tables and drove the merchants away with a whip. The Scribes Division was unhappy because they couldn’t sell their books, papers or novelties at the Jesus Conference.

Friends told me to come about two hours early to make sure I could get a good seat. I did and sat there on the ground in the VIP Section, which cost extra, beside my best friend Nick. Everyone else called him by his full name, Nick O’Demus. He was my neighbor. The pre-service was about to start. Nick said he hoped to see some water turned into wine or something because he was really thirsty.

The service opened with Sabbath School Division in charge and they introduced a young man as a former Prodigal whose testimony was that he used to attend Sabbath School every week, but then one day he ran away from home and lost everything he owned. He said he wound up slopping hogs for a living and had nothing to eat. But, then he remembered his Sabbath School teacher telling him about some other kid who had also ran away and then changed his mind and came back home, and when he did his father was very happy to see him.

The former Prodigal said that the story so inspired him he just had to come back home to thank his Sabbath School Teacher for the good story. Everyone clapped and they took up an offering of 789,000 pieces of silver to help finance the Departmental expenses.

Then unexpectedly, a woman named Miriam, ran to the center of the crowd and began shaking her tambourine and several hundred women joined her. They all played their tambourines, while they swirled and danced for about a half an hour or so. Everyone stood, clapped their hands and shouted praise to Jehovah.


Enough for all

Illustrated by Paul Mann


Next was the Reach The Gentiles Division and their promotion. The Director began to talk about a man who was a Samaritan that found some guy on the ground who was bleeding and unconscious. He was a victim of terrorism and nobody would help him. But, this missionary bound up the man’s head and arms and put him on a mule and took him to a boarding house of some kind.

Then the Director told about a Roman Soldier who prayed and fasted a lot but didn’t know about Jesus, so some guy named Pete heard about him and went and preached to him and his whole family and they joined the local Synagogue.

The story was so compelling that people starting getting up off the ground and ran toward the speaker and began to throw money at his feet. 2,490,000 pieces of silver was gathered up and the people rejoiced.

I looked around to see if Jesus was there yet. He might have been but I couldn’t see anyone that matched His description.

We all started getting hungry, so it was a good thing that a local catering service called Small Lad’s Fish Sandwiches was there! The sandwiches were quite good and then the Janitorial Crew just got up and started walking around through the crowd picking up our leftovers. There were signs everywhere warning us about the huge fine for littering. They picked up 12 huge baskets full.

People off the right started cheering and I strained my neck to see better. It was Jesus walking slowing toward Speakers area. A woman on the ground crawled up and touched the hem of His garment and got a healing miracle. Everyone clapped and rejoiced. People started lining up and the next thing you knew people were getting healed left and right. This went on for several hours.

Nick said that he was starting to believe that this Jesus man was actually a prophet of God or maybe even the Messiah. I said, “He’s amazing!”

The service eventually ended about sunset so Nick and I hurried out of the service to beat the crowd to The Two Sisters Restaurant, run by Mary and Martha. The food there is really great. Go there if you ever get a chance!

As for going to another Jesus Conference? I really do want to go again, but oh my, It sure does cost a lot of money to go to a big Jesus Conference now days. Maybe next year, I need to save up!







Written by Martyn Ballestero

August 10, 2017 at 2:32 pm

Posted in God's House

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4 Responses

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  1. I couldn’t help but chuckle all the while I read the review! Thanks for the great humor!

    Ron Townsley

    August 11, 2017 at 8:17 am

  2. Oh, but I love it!!! So well written. And oh so true!!!!


    August 11, 2017 at 9:26 pm

  3. Enjoyed reading your creative writing, thanks for posting! 🙂

    Sis Betty

    August 15, 2017 at 7:06 pm

  4. Humorous. Thanks for writing!


    August 19, 2017 at 11:31 am

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