The Ballestero Blog

My Homemade God

To be perfectly clear, I don’t have a graven image resting on the fireplace mantle. Never would I ever allow one in my home. I didn’t take a hammer and chisel, and carve out some little wooden god to bow down before, either. The homemade God I made cannot be seen by anyone but me. The one I made is in my mind and heart.

Since I created Him, it’s also my job to defend Him. I try to explain Him to my friends. They don’t always understand or agree. Those that don’t agree with the God I made, cease to stay my friend.

No one knows what He allows and doesn’t allow, any better than I do. I made Him. I am comfortable with the things He says. He always assures me that I am thinking right. If everyone else is wrong, He shakes His head and marvels at their stupidity.

I didn’t like the God some preachers told me about. I didn’t like the restrictions of their God, so I made my own. He is much easier to live with than theirs. I am not in bondage anymore. I have never felt more saved.

If I am Pentecostal, so is my God.

If I like the Republican Party the best, that’s how my God votes.

If I believe someone is wrong, that’s how my God feels about him or her too.

If I believe serving wine for communion is the right way, so does my God.

If I believe in a Pre-Tribulation rapture, my God knows when I want Him to come.

If I believe everyone is wrong and I am right, so does my God.

If I don’t think some church standards are necessary, neither does my God.

If I believe everyone should close their eyes when the pray, that’s how my God feels about it too.

If I think the worship music is too loud, it’s because I saw my God stick cotton in His ears.

If I think that speaking in tongues is not necessary for salvation, my God don’t either.

If I say that the Holy Ghost was only for the Day of Pentecost, that’s what my God says too.

If I am tired of being trapped in a boring marriage, my God understands and just wants me to be happy.

If I think I am holier than the other folks at the church, my God agrees.

If I think my wife looks good with short hair, my God likes it that way too.

If I say something is a sin, my God nods His head in agreement.

If I say it’s not a sin, my God smiles and agrees with me.

If I feel that a certain doctrine is unscriptural or unnecessary, that’s how my God feels.

If I think Notre Dame should win all football games, my God wears blue and gold to support me.

If I am comfortable with Hollywood in my house, my God brings me some popcorn from the kitchen.

If I believe Marijuana should be legalized, my God helps me find some.

If I need to use my Tithe to pay a bill this week, my God says it’s OK.

If I believe religious conservatives are all hypocrites, my God says amen.

My God Is Only Interested In My Happiness.

• I am not made in His image.
• I made Him in my image.
• He always agrees with me.
• He supports my every point of view.
• Old friends try to argue with me, but I will not change what I believe.
• I know I’m right.
• God knows I’m right.
• My God and I believe alike on everything.
• I am completely in tune with Him, and He with me.
• My God is willing to align His views with mine.
• That’s why I love Him.

He feels like I do about Abortion.

He feels like I do about same-sex relationships.

He feels like I do about extra-marital affairs.

He feels like I do about the death penalty.

He feels like I do about wine with my meals.

He doesn’t restrict what I do or where I go.

He is not concerned about how I dress.

He believes my race is superior to others.

He confirms my beliefs.

He validates my doctrinal and ethical positions.

He also speaks English as His first language.

Making a God in my own image was pretty easy. Anyone can do it without any guidance. Sure, I had to fine-tune my God once or twice. But I think I’ve got Him like I like Him now!

By The Way, How’s Your God Coming Along?