Private Sorrow – Part 5 “Day By Day”
Part 5
Day by Day
Monday
Mocking birds awaken me. The smells of breakfast float down the hall inviting me. I clean up and dress. As I walk past Daddy’s room, I see he’s standing alone. His body looks uncomfortable all hunched over. He’s trying to use an electric razor.
The music is playing loud in his room. The voices are singing, “We’re Nearing The Shore.” It all sounds too real for me. I hurry down the hall.
After breakfast Dad sits by me on the couch. He finds my hand and clutches it firmly. He says in a faltering speech pattern, “You’ve been a good boy. Thank you for being faithful to God. You’ve stayed true to the message, and you’ve loved the truth.” I cried and thanked him. We hugged.
Daddy’s moments of lucidity became treasured memories. He always seemed lucid when He prayed.
Mom and I eat supper alone. Later she says tearfully, “I have no future. I have nothing to look forward to without him. Except heaven, of course. You know what I mean?” her glass come off and tears run freely. “It’s a valley we all must face,” [sniff] “but He’s faithful that promised.” The phone rang.
Mom wants me to go with her to find a funeral home, grave site and look for a church that would be able to hold a large crowd.
We sit around the table. Mom says, “If I let it, it would overwhelm me.” I play Sis Nona Freeman’s tape, ‘I Am My Beloved’s And He Is Mine.’ How precious and beautiful. We both cry, Mom sobs. When the tape is over, Mom is lost in praise and we talk in tongues for the longest. She says, “That’s exactly what I needed.”
I needed the message too, especially the part about dread. That was for me. We went to bed, it was midnight.
Tuesday
Nurse Cheryl visited Dad today. She checked his vitals and listed his condition as poor. Mom said he weighed 142. He’d lost 20 pounds in 2 weeks. I’d thought it was a slower process than that.
Nurse Kim comes, a portly lady with a cheery disposition. She comes three times a week to bathe Daddy and wash his hair, shave him and change the bed.
Mama says that the doctor told her that malnutrition and respiratory problems were the two biggest fears for someone in Daddy’s condition. While we are talking, Bro. Even’s calls back. Bro. Paul Jordan, one of Dad’s dearest friends, has died today. We can’t tell Daddy. We also decide that today is not a good day to shop for funeral homes and graveyards.
We eat lunch. Mom’s meals are mini-banquets for me. I’m staying stuffed. Malnutrition is not a personal fear for me today.
Wednesday
I arise about 6 am. Dad tries to open my door and come in. I open it for him and say, “Good morning Daddy.” He doesn’t respond to me. Mom rescues him and takes him to the restroom.
Mom called me into the front room. Both Mom and Dad were sitting on the couch side by side. His eyes were closed. Mom had just told him about Bro. Jordan.
I thought, “Oh no Mom, how could you?” (Old habits of confiding in your mate must be hard to break.) Tears streamed down both sides of Dad’s face.
The call from Indiana had said Bro. Jordan in his final moments had said he saw Jesus. And he saw Bro. Cavaness beside. Him. Mother relayed the message. Daddy screwed up his face and wept, leaning his head on her shoulder. “Tell them I’m only one or two steps behind them,” he said. Mama looked at me and mouthed the words. “Daddy knows he’s dying.”
At 1:30 we went to the doctor in Riverside. Weight loss was of major concern. The prostate cancer was not life threatening at this time. We are told to keep him hydrated. Mom is given a form for a Handicap parking sticker.
Driving home Dad said something I hadn’t been able to hear him say in a long time. “I love you Jesus.” It was said with such feeling and sincerity. It brought back many memories.
After supper, Dad wandered off into the office. Mom followed to lead him back out. She tried to take him in her arms in a romantic moment while enjoying the music of “Let me call you sweetheart.” She sang a few bars then all went silent. She left the room trying bravely to control the tears. Later, as she sat at the piano and played the song again, Daddy came out of the room smiling and unaware that Mom had been shattered by his unresponsiveness.
She asked him if he recalled the song. He said, “Yes. ‘Let Me Call You…’
“Call you what?” Mom prompted.
“Funny Face,” Daddy said.
During Mom’s piano playing, Dad got up a time or two and attempted to wander off. Mom said, “Carl don’t wander off.”
“I’m not wandering off, “ he responded.
“I’m playing these songs for you,” Mother continued.
Dad came back to the couch and sat down. I guess guilt still works on him. Mom continues playing and singing and asks Dad to sing. He weakly tries a few bars. (Mom told the doctor today that Dad never complains about anything.)
We haven’t made it to the funeral home yet.
Thursday
At 9:30 am, Bro. Ted Molander came over to see dad. We visited with Dad while he lay in his bed.
The three of us prayed and talked in tongues for a while. Dad even prayed in Spanish for several minutes. Although it was his second language, I’d never heard him pray in Spanish. It was a special treat for me.
We tried to get a handicap permit at the DMV. We needed Dad’s signature. He signed it. Not too bad. Dad seems stronger and more aware today. Thank the Lord.
I called Marcia, she said the Bro. Fletcher had called my sisters and told them that the nurse told him that Dad’s heart was racing and his blood pressure dropping. The nurse said he wouldn’t last long like that.
As bedtime drew near, Mom asked Dad if he was ready to go to bed. He said yes. They slowly shuffle down the hall towards Dad’s room and his hospital bed. Mother attempted to help him change into his pajamas. When she touched his belt, he grabbed her wrists firmly and said, “Woman, I’ll have you know I’m a Holiness preacher!”
He didn’t recognize her, but he’d never forgotten that he was a preacher.
Mother said, “Carl, let’s pray.”
They prayed. Somehow prayer always seemed to bring things closer back to “normal” for Dad.
Mom tearfully came back down the hall after Dad was in bed. She shed tears telling me what had just happened. She was in pain because he didn’t know her, yet she was happy that he knew he was a Holiness preacher.
We reassured each other, that while it was painful, it was kind of funny too. We hugged and laughed.
Friday
I have been up an hour or so and have been in bed writing. Daddy comes into my room and sits on the end of the bed.
He says, “Who can I talk too?”
I said, “Well, you can talk to me Dad, what do you want to talk about?”
Dad said, “My wife is crazy.”
I said, “Crazy?”
He said, “Yeah, she’s crazy.”
I said, “No Dad, she’s not crazy, she just doing everything she can to make your life comfortable and take care of you.”
He said, “All she’s after is my money.”
I said, “Daddy, you don’t have hardly any money. All she has, she spends it on you.”
“God bless that good woman,” Dad said as he left the room.
Dad seemed more belligerent today. Several times when Mom tried to help his he’d say, “Woman I rebuke you in Jesus Name.” Mom came into my room upset and I tried to comfort her.
Later we smelt something burning. Dad had turned the top burner of the stove on. A cookie sheet was on the burner, it was red hot. Dad will have to be watched.
Saturday
I sit in the living room enjoying morning coffee while I talk with Mom. Dad enters the room behind her and gently swatted her on the backside. Mom jumped, her eyes widened as she gave a half-embarrassed smile. She gave Daddy a good morning hug.
My sister Ramona and her son Clint arrive. It is so good to see them. She is always a pillar of strength.
Mom prepares a world-class breakfast for us all. At the table, we held hands as usual and all kind of looked around to see who would be the one to pray. Dad began without prompting. He did a very good job. Well, except where he asked God’s help with the song we were about to sing. None of us smiled. We keep the chatter light while we catch up on each other’s lives.
Sunday
Mom hurries down the hall. “If you want to hear Daddy praying, come quick.” I do. He’s praying the sweetest prayer. His voice is pretty strong and that is unusual. He also makes very good sense in his prayer. He’s saying very sweet and precious things to Jesus.
When done he opens his eyes and sees Ramona. He takes her hand and starts praying for her. I go get the tape recorder. His prayer makes us all tear up. Him too. Mom comes in and he takes her hand. He prays for Mom and talks in tongues often. His voice tires and becomes less clear.
Mom later tried to leave the room. He said he didn’t want Mom to leave because he was in the presence of angels. Ramona asked him what they looked like. His answer was unclear and mumbled.
Today as I sit in the living room looking at Dad and Ramona on the couch, I know our days of meaningful communication are over. How sad! It makes me think of all my precious children.
When I think of all the times I’ve been a lousy father, (even unintentionally) and made their lives unpleasant, I hurt. I want their memories of me to be treasured like the ones I have of my Dad.
Today I feel like a failure as a father. Life is getting away too fast and I’m doing too little. There are things I want to say to my children. I need to take time and do it and say it now.
I’ve always told Daddy I loved him and have been affectionate with him. I have no regret there. I just hope that all my children can somehow see through my coarse ways and know that I love them. I need help in knowing how to correct and guide them with love. How did my Dad do all that with me? I try to remember. I want, under God, to be the best dad that I can be.
I’d come here to see my Dad. I didn’t expect this visit to make me look inward. I guess God knows what tools to use to open our eyes and our hearts.
Monday
It’s time to go. I am going to drive Ramona’s car back to Indiana. Carlene is buying it. When I am done packing, Mom awakens Daddy from his nap. He comes into the room.
Mom say, “Daddy our boy is leaving. He has to go home”
I hug his neck and kiss him on both cheeks. He holds me in a long embrace while he prays for me. He asks God to make me a “keystone” in the salvation of others.
I tell him I love him and that he’s been the best Daddy in the world. Dad, Mom and I hug in a threesome. Then Mom and I kiss and say goodbye. By much unsaid, it’s said.
Mom and Dad come outside on the porch to see me off. I stand by the car door ready to leave. Mom and Dad wave at me. Dad’s last words to me were: “I want to see you in the rapture!”
I teared up and Mom started to cry.
“I want to see you in the rapture too,” I said!
Leaving was too painful for words.
Private Sorrow – Part 6 “The Epilogue”
Part 6
Epilogue
On my journey home, I drive through Joplin, MO and visit with my friends the Garrett’s. I called Mom to let her know I was OK.
She said Daddy was stronger and doing better today. Mom said that he’d walked all around the house today like he was looking for something. She said, “What are you looking for Carl?”
He said, “I’m looking for my boy.”
I had a wonderful time with the Brother and Sister Garrett. They’re such precious people. Sister Garrett said something to me that helped put everything in perspective. She said, “Maybe your Dad’s condition has allowed you to enjoy some benefits you’d never gotten if he’s died suddenly. Like the precious things he said to you, the charge he gave you, telling you that you’ve been a good boy, and that he wanted to see you in the rapture.”
She was right. With lemons, there can also be lemonade. I counted my blessings and thanked the Lord for cherished memories.
Daddy went home to be with the Lord, September 11, 1994
The House Of The Lady With The Long Hair
The House Of The Lady With The Long Hair
Last night, I finished preaching the 1st night of Raleigh, North Carolina’s annual “Holiness Conference”. As I was stepping down from the platform, a tall brother in Christ made his way to me. “I have a Holiness story for you, he offered.
“A few nights ago, our doorbell rang. It was dark and I couldn’t imagine who would be at our door this late. He said.
“To my surprise, a little boy stood there, his eyes were red from crying. He was visibly shaken. His voice was strong as he said, ‘Please mister, do something. My Dad is hurting my Mom real bad! Call the Police…. Help her, please!’
About that that time, the sound of sirens was heard. Patrol cars were everywhere. Red and blue flashing lights interrupted the darkness.
The out of control, and abusive husband was taken into custody. The mother’s physical needs were being attended to.
He said, “I turned to the little boy and said, ‘I don’t live next door to you. Of all the houses in this neighborhood, why did you come to mine when you needed help?
“The little boy looked up into my face and said, “I just knew, that if I could make it to The House of The Lady with the Long Hair, everything would be alright!”
When To Keep Your Mouth Shut!
When To Keep Your Mouth Shut
Proverbs 21:23 (KJV) Whoso keepeth his mouth and his tongue keepeth his soul from troubles.
1. In the Heat of Anger
- Psalm 116:11 (KJV) I said in my haste, All men are liars.
2. When You Don’t Have All The Facts
- Proverbs 18:13 (KJV) He that answereth a matter before he heareth it, it is folly and shame unto him.
3. If Your Words Make Your Family, Friends or Church Look Bad
- James 3:6 (KJV) And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity: so is the tongue among our members, that it defileth the whole body, and setteth on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire of hell.
4. When You Are Tempted To Make Light Of Holy Things
- Matthew 22:5 (KJV) But they made light of it, and went their ways, one to his farm, another to his merchandise:
5. If You Think You Might Regret Your Words Later
- Proverbs 6:2 (KJV) Thou art snared with the words of thy mouth, thou art taken with the words of thy mouth.
- Proverbs 14:1 (KJV) Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands.
6. When You Are Tempted To Tell At Lie
- Revelation 21:8 (KJV) But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death.
- Proverbs 6:16-19 (KJV)
- 16 These six things doth the LORD hate: yea, seven are an abomination unto him:
- 17 A proud look, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood,
18 An heart that deviseth wicked imaginations, feet that be swift in running to mischief,
19 A false witness that speaketh lies, and he that soweth discord among brethren.
7. If You Can’t Speak Without Yelling
- Proverbs 15:1 (KJV) A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.
8. When It’s Time To Listen
- James 1:19 (KJV) Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath:
9. If You’ve Already Said It Once Before. (Anymore becomes nagging.)
10. .If You KNOW That You Talk Too Much.
- Proverbs 10:19 (KJV) In the multitude of words there wanteth not sin: but he that refraineth his lips is wise.
11.If Your Words Are Meant To Get Even Or To Give Someone A “Piece Of Your Mind”
- Proverbs 15:1 (KJV) A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.
12. If You Know It Will Cause Argument Or Debate
- 2 Timothy 2:23 (KJV) But foolish and unlearned questions avoid, knowing that they do gender strifes.
13. If You Know That WHAT You’re Saying Can Hinder Revival In Your Church.
- Galatians 5:15 (KJV) But if ye bite and devour one another, take heed that ye be not consumed one of another.
14. If Your Words Will Offend A Weak Brother
- 1 Corinthians 8:11-13 (KJV)
11 And through thy knowledge shall the weak brother perish, for whom Christ died?
12 But when ye sin so against the brethren, and wound their weak conscience, ye sin against Christ.
13 Wherefore, if meat make my brother to offend, I will eat no flesh while the world standeth, lest I make my brother to offend.
15.When You’re Tempted To Make A Joke About Sin
- Proverbs 14:9 (KJV) Fools make a mock at sin: but among the righteous there is favour.
16. When The Subject Is None Of Your Business
- 1 Peter 4:15 (KJV) But let none of you suffer as a murderer, or as a thief, or as an evildoer, or as a busybody in other men’s matters.2 Thessalonians 3:11 (KJV) For we hear that there are some which walk among you disorderly, working not at all, but are busybodies.
17. If Your Words Will Damage Another’s Reputation Or Character
- Proverbs 16:27 (KJV) An ungodly man diggeth up evil: and in his lips there is as a burning fire.Proverbs 18:8 (KJV) The words of a talebearer are as wounds, and they go down into the innermost parts of the belly.
18.If Your Words Will Damage A Friendship
- Proverbs 17:9 (KJV) He that covereth a transgression seeketh love; but he that repeateth a matter separateth very friends.
19. When You’re Feeling Critical
- James 3:9-10 (KJV)
- 9 Therewith bless we God, even the Father; and therewith curse we men, which are made after the similitude of God.
10 Out of the same mouth proceedeth blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not so to be.
20. When We May Later Have To Eat Our Words
- Proverbs 18:21 (KJV) Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.
- Matthew 12:37 (KJV) For by thy words thou shalt be justified, and by thy words thou shalt be condemned.
21.If Your Speech Is Not Consistent With Godly Living.
If I Was A Holiness Rejecter!
Holiness Thoughts
After I went to bed. I picked up the pad of paper beside my bed and began to write these thoughts down as they came to me.
I had been in a conversation with a life-long friend and he began to say things that scared me. I saw he had made a turn in his thinking, and I couldn’t make the turn with him. It actually frightened me very much, I wrote for and hour or two, then fell asleep. Three or four times I awakened and continued my writing.
- I even dreamed about it.
- What I don’t know is why I feel Holiness has to be defended.
- It is God’s lowest standard. Israel never complained about all of their holiness requirements and regulations and they didn’t even have the Holy Ghost.
- They didn’t even have a spirit of holiness, they just had law.
- They complained about the food and about their leadership, but never about their holiness.
- That seems to be all that Pentecostals fuss about.
This generation, has the Holy Ghost experience available, yet most of our discussions have to do with negative things about Holiness.
- It’s like we are trying to see how little we can do and still be saved.
- We are attempting to be saved by doing the minimum.
- Saints change churches because they don’t like the Holiness preaching. It was too hard for them.
Wouldn’t it be something if Israel stood up in the Judgment and condemned this generation?
These are the thoughts I have put down as they came to me. They are without organization. They might even be without clarity. All I know is, I felt a touch of God’s Holiness about me before when I finally went to sleep.
1. I like Brooklyn Tabernacle’s song: “Holy Like You”
2. In Isaiah 6, Isaiah was Sanctified before being called or sent.
3. Do I speak “The Language Of Holiness”
4. When I lose Holiness, the Revelation of the Godhead goes too. They are connected.
5. Holy Ghost. How can I have the HOLY Ghost and say I hate HOLY things?
6. I’ve seen new converts changed w/o hearing holiness preached. All by the power of the Holy Ghost.
7. Story of Elizabeth. After being baptized that night, got rid of everything she didn’t think she wanted Jesus to see in her house. Immediately received the Holy Ghost.
8. In Old Testament – Holiness was legislated
9. In New Testament they received the Spirit of Holiness.
10. Holiness includes: purity- heart, modesty-outside, righteousness-conduct.
11. Draw nigh to God. This was written to those that already had the Holy Ghost.
12. There should be a Quest for Holiness.
13. There’s Safety in Holiness
14. There’s Benefits in Holiness
15. The Why Of Holiness.
- Why do some want to re-define standards?
- Why do some want to rebel against what they were taught.
- When they came into this church it was a Holiness church.
- They knew that when they came in.
- Why do they want to change it now?
- That is like a girl marrying a boy and then wanting him to change.
16. Why do they want to dress that way?
17. Why do they make fun of Holiness.
18. What is wrong with them that makes them have a problem with carefulness about the things of God?
19. Why do they reject preaching on Holiness?
20. Why do they distance themselves from all Holiness preaching?
21. Why do ALL Conservative preachers seem harsh and bitter to them?
22. Why is the word Holiness offensive to them?
23. Why does their church get quiet when the subject gets preached?
24. Who are they trying to please when they let down on the standard? God?
25. What will their permissiveness produce?
26. I know what Holiness produces.
27. “You get what you preach.”
28. List the number of churches that have thrown their convictions and holiness out the door, and then tell me about their amazing church growth and climbing attendance. It don’t see it.
29. They threw away their convictions, lost their revelation and never got much in return. It wasn’t worth it. All they received was delusion, and there may never be hope of recovery.
30. In the Military – there is extensive recruiting and training
31. In Sports – there is extensive recruiting and training
32. Yes there’s cuts, drop outs, even AWOL
33. All some Churches think is important is the recruiting. They can even recruit a small army. They wonder why some don’t last. Was it because they were not trained.
34. Some young people have grown up never hearing a sermon on the subject of Holiness.
35. All that we want to hear is Salvation, healing, miracles, faith, and blessings
36. Saints aren’t born, they’re made. It will take some preaching to make saints out of them.
37. Daddy said to me “if you have a choice between being an Exhorter or a Feeder, be a Feeder. Feeders build churches.
38. There is a NEED for training.
39. Prov 22:6 Train up a child… etc. The word train there has to do with touching the palate.
- Developing a taste in the child’s mouth for the things of God.
- Flinging a craving on the child for God things.
- Some try to cram things down people’s throats instead.
40. Why does God want us to be holy?
- It identifies us
- It says we know Jesus
- It says we hate the world.
- It says we refuse to be called the son of pharaoh’s daughter, choosing rather… (Holiness is a choice)
- It identifies us with Him
- It is a daily reminder – Israel wore a ribbon of blue
41. Why does God say be ye holy, even as I am holy?
42. Why does God WANT me to be holy?
43. He put His Holy Spirit in me, so why would I Not want to be Holy.
44. If I have the Holy Ghost, why would I be so in love with unholy things?
45. In my opinion, If I was a Holiness Rejecter, I would not be “Enlightened”. I would be backslid.
Dad, I Remember…
(This is a portion of a letter I wrote to Dad when I was in my early 40’s. I left out the personal part at the beginning, but wanted to share the memories with you.)
Dad,
Please allow me the privilege of thinking back… with my pen helping me… to a few of the times that you took me by the hand and walked with me, your only son, down “Memory’s Lane”. I’ll not attempt to display all of memory’s treasured trophies; maybe I’ll even forget to point at the biggest and best. It’s not that the unmentioned aren’t important – to the contrary! It just proves, one more time, that no child could ever fully tell how much his parent(s) mean to him!! What is important is that we share memories with those we love.
I remember…
- When Mom made that wire recording we sent to you while you were gone evangelizing. Mom told me to talk to you and then sing. I told you I loved you, I missed you and that I was praying for you. I then sang two songs, mixed up both up into one somehow! Ha! (Portland – age 4)
- The time you took me “out” to whip me because I’d misbehaved in church. But I talked you out of it by saying, “Daddy, I love you!”
- The day you stopped the car in the “middle of nowhere”, and with a knowing look to mom said, “I’m going to see A man about a dog”. I, in innocent eagerness, called to you out the window … “Daddy, I want a St. Bernard!”
- My first “Bike”! You brought it home in a big box, took it into the back yard of our home in Riverside and put it together. It was red and pretty! I shore was proud!
- When you’d call me over to you, and you sat in a comfortable chair, and then have me hold up your leg. Sometimes in my hands. (But when they got too heavy, sometimes the shoulders always were the right height!)
- Riding in that Old Auburn antique car!
- Mom riding around and around th house on your motorcycle.(She didn’t know how to stop it!) And you and Uncle Stan laughing and trying to tell her how to stop.) Mom just said Uncle Stan showed her how to make it go… but she never waited to finish the lesson. She wound up running into a fence to stop it!
- My first motorcycle ride. I rode behind you on the luggage rack. You had folded up your sweater to make it more comfortable. I sure enjoyed the ride, but did I ever have a sore bottom!
- Your coming back to 711 Polk, Oregon City. (from Yakima?) Seems like it was near Christmas, or some holiday. Anyway, I recall you opening the car door and carrying in bunches of apples – with everybody excited, talking and helping you carry them in.
- Packing the back seat level in the old blue Nash, so all of us kids could sleep while we drove.
- Walking with you through Anaheim High School as you made the rounds as a night watchman. You even let me punch the clock. In one room, you let me sit in a desk – my feet never touched the floor. I couldn’t imagine ever being big enough to go to high school.
- You working on the Plymouth in front of the house in Baytown, Texas and me hanging over the side, watching you. Then, our several trips, afoot, to buy more parts at the Western Auto. You told folks your car was a 1941 Western Auto.
- The first house we lived in, in Columbus, Indiana. It was an apartment. You told us that the landlord counted how many times we flushed the toilet. We were to flush only when necessary!
- In Anaheim, the night Eisenhower was voted in. You sat by the radio, with pen and paper and added up the votes. That was before computers. Seems like you stayed up till 2 or 3 am.
- The day you bought your first new car, a Hudson, and took us all for a ride. (Riverside)
- The day you gave me my first gun – a .22! –Brother! – was I ever happy and proud!
- Going fishing with you and Brother Bennett…(we lived in Hope) at a catfish pond. I caught my first fish on Brother Bennett’s pole, while he was at the concession stand!
- When I’d been sick and you made me a big kite – 6’x 4’ – made out of a light crepe paper, with real heavy fishing line for string. When we took it out to fly it, the wind really picked me up on my tip-toes. Boy! that was the biggest kite a kid could have. I don’t recall ever again, seeing one that big! “They don’t make ‘em like they used to!”
- In Columbus, one Christmas you asked me if I’d give my bicycle to my sister. (You bought me a new 3-speed). We went to the basement, and sawed off the top cross bar, lowered it, and painted it red.
- In Richmond – getting a train for Christmas. You played with it for the longest. (To make sure it was working right!)
- Also in Richmond, after a return from a trip, giving me a book, and censoring it page by page – scribbling out any slang words with a black crayon.
- During Columbus days- Shooting your gun (.250 – 3000 was it?) or 300 savage? – anyway, I leaned up against a tree. The gun butt and my little shoulder got acquainted in a hurry.
- The time in Albany, Oregon when I went up with Turney on my first piper cub ride. You looked at us in the plane, and then said to Uncle Orion, “Well, he was a good boy”.
- The drunk in the Yakima church.
- Picking apples together, all day one day on a ‘Migrant Farm Workers’ farm.
- Bringing me an apple home from Libby’s cannery that was as big as a grapefruit.
- The time in Yakima, when you hugged mom real big in front of us kids, and held her while you sang to her the popular song of the year, “Sugar Time”. (Sugar in the mornin’, sugar in the evenin’, sugar at supper time…)
- The times you used to ask me if I wanted to hear a funny noise. (If the answer was yes, a playful pinch or knuckle squeezin’ warranted a good loud “funny noise”.)
- Hearing you (and mom) pray for God to save your boy!
- National City! When we had no money for gas, nor anything to eat but beans. When we walked several miles to that P.A.W. church, only to find no service that night. On the way back, stopping by that bakery’s exhaust fan and inhaling that wonderful smell. We just grinned at each other until our eyes watered. You said, “I believe I could gain 5 pounds just standing here!”
- Your remarks and expressions of happiness when I told you I had just received the Holy Ghost.
- When we were pulling that 35’ trailer with a 66 Ford, 6 cycle, no electric brakes, going down the Rocky Mountains. You had me hold the car in 2nd gear, so it wouldn’t jump out into neutral!
- Overhauling that Nash Metropolitan. We had a whole bunch of bolts and nuts left over, in a coffee can!
- You taking me to get my California’s “Permit”, and me actually driving home – in that Metro- with you beside me.
- The night in Vista I got my thumb stuck in that drum you’d bought me. You put liquid soap on my thumb. It never came loose until the choir sang, when I stood up in the back row, after about a minute or two. then it fell off and rolled down off the platform!
- Our last night in Vista, building the sides on the utility trailer, and painting it silver.
- The last time we had a foot race, and you beat me?
- Our last arm wrestling match, when you “retired” undefeated!
- The day you gave me my first set of shaving needs- safety razor, blades, and shaving cream- Boy!- was I ever “growed” up!
- The way you beamed proudly at me on my graduation day – even though you’d braved the emotion packed day – Beverly’s funeral, mom sick in bed, and a special church service in progress at our church, you still came. Thank-you!
- The time I called you and told you that I was in jail in Nebraska! You later said that you didn’t know if you should laugh, cry, or horse-whip me!
- The day you put X’s and O’s on the back of a girl friend’s letter… as a practical joke (and, to find out my reaction- ha!)
- You gave me my first camera – an Argos C-3.
- When I called from Louisiana, broke and spending part of my last $5.00 in a phone booth, and you said if I starved to death and died, you’d build me a monument bigger than George Washington’s… because I’d be the first man that God ever let down!
- Oh, yah! The day when you asked me if I felt the call to preach. When I said, “Yes”, you took me to the church, had me get up behind the pulpit, open my Bible (without looking) point to a passage, read, then you said, “Okay, now preach”. When I couldn’t, you had me sit down, then you showed me “how” – ha!
- In Fort Worth, when we talked about Marcia. I’d asked you to talk to me, not only as my father, but as my best friend. I wanted to know your opinion of my marrying her. We prayed together, hugged each other’s necks, then I made a long telephone call and a long drive to see her!
- My wedding day! The Father and Son talks. The look in your eye as you pronounced us man and wife!
- Laughing at mom trying to walk (purple coat and all) on our U.P. hunting trip. Mom said she had a scarf on her head, a long purple coat, an orange hunting vest, brown work boots, and gloves! She said you guys laughed so hard at her, that you fell on your knees in the snow!
- The time we got lost for 2 hours in the snow storm and couldn’t find mom on her mountain deer stand– and promised each other not to tell her. (and didn’t for several years)
- Your letting me drive for you to your speaking engagements. Was I ever proud!
- The way you put your arm around me and with a beam of pride, we looked together at your first grandchild, (grandson), and your name sake.
- Our hunting trips – Wyoming and Canada.
- The night of the bear attack!
- My first antelope, shot with your gun!
- The times you told me you were proud of me!
- The first time you “slipped” and called me “Doc” – I realized you no longer subconsciously regarded me as a boy, but as a fellow laborer!
- Going down the road in the car, and you asked my advice about an important church problem. That you had asked me, overwhelmed me. And then I thought you probably already knew what you’d do, but you wanted to know how I would react!
- The night you ordained me and gave me Your Bible!
- The famous hunting trip with you, mom, Cavaness, Jordan, Buie and me. What a time!
- The times of correction, and later the hugs of love and forgiveness.
- Your way of talking to me when I needed it, had a way of melting me, even when I was filled with polite stubbornness, and didn’t want to cry. It was no use, the tears came anyway. Thank-you for being able to reach ‘thru’ to me!!
- Your washing my feet during “Communion and Foot-washing”.
- Your telling me that you loved me.
- In Utah, when you were throwing away some books, and I picked them up. You told mom, “Marty’s a Junker!” ha!
- Your taking your son to Disney World for a thrill of his young life (ha!) – age 30
- The Bahamas voyage!
- The first time I preached in your new church in Sulphur, LA.
- Visiting your new home there.
- Our first Christmas together as a family, since I had been married.
- The…..
If we look in the right direction, Dad, there’s no end to Memory’s Lane!
I may not have always been good company, but I’ve sure enjoyed the walk!!!
Love, your son,
Marty
I Am The Church
I Am The Church
Matthew 16:16-18
- I am a Divine experience, built upon a Divine revelation
- I am built upon the Rock. That Rock is Jesus.
- I was born in obscurity, in an upper room.
- I have lived in palaces and poverty
- I am no stranger to the poor. I was raised on the wrong side of the tracks.
Some have called me:
- Saul of Tarsus
- Simon Peter
- Cornelius
- Philip
- Stephen
- Timothy
- Lois
- Eunice
- Lydia
Of late, you have called me:
- Andrew Urshan
- G.T. Haywood
- Robert Tobin
- Verbal Bean
- Carl Ballestero
- Robert C. Cavaness
- Paul Jordan
- William R. Starr
- Jimmy Davis
- Bill Dross
- Morris E. Golder
I am the church
I was chosen from a life called:
- Foolish
- Weak
- Base
- Despised
- Nothing
That I should not glory in His presence!
- I am College Students and High School Drop outs,
- Factory workers and Housewives,
- Store owners and clock punchers,
- I am all ages and all sizes,
- I am teens with braces and Grandma’s with canes
- I am Sunday School kids whose parents are still asleep.
- I’ve lived on welfare, stood in soup lines,
- I used to be addicted to drugs, push dope, and belong to a gang.
- I was a streetwalker, alcoholic, liar and thief.
- But now I am washed, Now I am sanctified, Now I am justified, by the blood of Jesus.
I am the church
- I have lived in the “guttermost”, but have been raised to the “uttermost.”
- I have been lifted from the deep miry clay. My feet set upon a solid rock, He has established by goings.
- Angels attend me daily. I am guided by Divine Direction.
- Heaven protects my every move.
- I am an army, I have never lost a battle. I am predestined to win.
- I am victorious.
I have been given authority in His Name, over:
- Every evil spirit
- Every disease known to man
- I have the power of the Name of Jesus at my command.
- I speak unto mountains and they are cast aside, In His name
- I walk by faith and live in the Spirit.
I am the church
Throughout history, I have been:
- Crucified
- Stoned
- Beaten
- Mistreated
- Banished
- Persecuted and Ostracized, I still prevail.
- I’ve been Lied on,
- Talked about
- Laughed at
- Mocked
- Scorned,
But Death still can’t stop me.
I shall not be defeated.
By Divine Help,
- There’s no mountain I haven’t climbed,
- No river I haven’t crossed
- No valley too deep.
- There’s no problem too big!
- I have been made to survive and flourish.
I am the church
- I have been hindered, but never stopped.
- Knocked down, but never defeated.
- Cast down, but never destroyed.
- Dictators can’t stop me
- Kings can’t stop me
- Presidents can’t
- Generals with cruel armies can’t
- Even Communism can’t.
- The Iron curtain, Bamboo Curtain, The Berlin wall couldn’t stop me.
Even the gates of hell shall not prevail against me.
- God is with me
- He is on my side.
Why do I not live in fear? I have been given precious promises:
Thou shalt not be afraid for the terror by night; nor for the arrow that flieth by day;
Nor for the pestilence that walketh in darkness; nor for the destruction that wasteth at noonday.
A thousand shall fall at thy side, and ten thousand at thy right hand; but it shall not come nigh thee.
There shall no evil befall thee, neither shall any plague come nigh thy dwelling.
For he shall give his angels charge over thee, to keep thee in all thy ways.
Many are the afflictions of the righteous: but the LORD delivereth him out of them all.
The angel of the LORD encampeth round about them that fear him, and delivereth them.
The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The LORD is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?
I am predestinated.
I am the church.
- I have lived in prisons, in castles, in cities and in desert places,
- I have lived in villages and barrios, in every continent and every nation under heaven.
- I am more colors than the rainbow.
- I speak the languages of many tongues.
- Tongues of men and of angels.
- I entertain no prejudices
- I am one body
I am the church
- I am commissioned to the Great Commission
- I live for the Word.
- I shout Amen,
- I run the aisles
- I dance in the spirit
- I love praise and worship
- I speak with tongues and prophesy.
- I baptize in Jesus Name
- I clap my hands and sing.
- I raise my hands in prayer and worship.
- I leap for joy.
- I exist to given Him praise.
Psa. 150:1 Praise ye the LORD. Praise God in his sanctuary: praise him in the firmament of his power.
2 Praise him for his mighty acts: praise him according to his excellent greatness.
3 Praise him with the sound of the trumpet: praise him with the psaltery and harp.
4 Praise him with the timbrel and dance: praise him with stringed instruments and organs.
5 Praise him upon the loud cymbals: praise him upon the high sounding cymbals.
6 Let every thing that hath breath praise the LORD. Praise ye the LORD.
I will bless the LORD at all times
His praise shall continually be in my mouth.
O magnify the LORD with me, and let us exalt his name together.
I am the church
Holiness is my trademark
Worship is my hallmark.
Prayer is my secret.
- I am a tired missionary
- An exhausted parent of small children,
- I am a tear-stained altar worker,
- A tired visitation team
- A Sunday School teacher with children that won’t be quiet
- A Home Bible Study teacher, burning the midnight oil
- I am a weary all-night prayer meeting
- I am an evangelist with a hoarse throat.
- I am an exhausted musician in a lengthy altar service,
- I am a King’s son wearing clothes from Goodwill,
- I know what it’s like to shout my hair down,
- I know what it’s like to get Holy laughter,
- I know what it’s like to shout during the preaching,
- I know what it’s like to travail in the spirit,
- I know what it’s like to make intercession.
- I know what the Pentecostal croup is
- I know what it’s like to see someone go home drunk in the Holy Ghost,
- I know what it’s like to be lost in the Spirit,
- I know where the prayer room is,
I am the church
- I’ve seen lives changed
- Families restored
- Marriages put back together
- Gays and Lesbians delivered
- Bodies healed
- Minds restored
- Drug Addicts delivered
- Smokers set free
- Alcoholics dried out
- Hard hearts softened
- Bitterness erased
- Anger dissipate
- Mistakes forgiven and wrongs righted.
- Unity restored
- All by the Han of God
- Some, in moment’s time
- I am the sole possessor of Truth
- I possess the secret of eternal life and of peace with God
I am the church
- I am preaching that changes that touches the heart
- I am an experience that changes the lives
- I am testimonies that ring that Jerusalem ring
- I am singing, that stirs the soul,
- I am prayers that reach heaven’s throne,
I am the church
- I am faces without make-up
- I am long dresses and uncut hair.
- I am modesty on a pedestal,
- I am virtue and purity on parade with heads held high.
- I am holiness without an apology
- I am dedicated to separation from the world.
- I refused to be influenced by immoral thinking
- I shun immodest apparel
- I hate every false way
- I deplore the works of the flesh
- Carnal thinking is not for me
- I keep myself unspotted from the world.
- I proudly represent the King of Glory
- He is Holy, therefore, I must be holy
- My adornment is spiritual and precious, rather than worldly and cheap.
- My men look like real men
- My women are my glory
- I am not a slave to fashion, but rather a servant of Jesus Christ.
- I am clothed rather in garments of Salvation.
- Immodesty does not become me,
- Impurity has no place in my world,
- I live a separated life.
- I don’t look like Satan’s children, talk like them, neither do I act like them.
- I do not feel comfortable in their environment.
- I hate all the works of the flesh
- I am not comfortable in Satan’s realm
- The world is not my home
- I walk ONLY on the OLD paths.
I am the church
My worship, my music and singing have been copied, mimicked, and duplicated.
But like the magicians, who cast down their rods before Moses, they still didn’t have the message. Moses had the only message of deliverance.
- I alone have the message of deliverance for a lost and dying world.
- I alone have the keys to eternal life.
- I alone have the message that sets men free
- I alone have the truth
- I alone have the revelation of who Jesus is
- I alone am the bride of Christ
- I alone known the truth of being born again of water and spirit
- I alone baptize in the only name under heaven given among men whereby we must be saved
- I alone have a world to reach
I am described as:
- Glorious
- Not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing.
- Holy and without blemish.
- As terrible as an army with banners
- The salt of the world
- The light of the world
- A Great House
- The general assembly
- Mount Zion
- The city of the Living God
- The church of the first born
- An heir of righteousness
- A chosen generation
- A royal priesthood
- The Family of God
- The Habitation of God
- The Temple of God
- The Bride of Christ
I AM NOT:
- A social center
- A board run entity or a clever tax shelter
- I am not Political or politically correct
- Or Socially acceptable
- This Secular world was not created with me in mind.
- I don’t fit in to their societies or programs, their sports or their entertainment.
I AM A REDEMPTION CENTER
- A Hospital for the hurting
- An oasis for the weary
- A home for every one.
- Give me your weary, your homeless, your outcast, your oppressed, your needy and your distressed.
I am the church
- I am called to show forth the praises of Him who hath called my out of darkness in to this glorious light
- I am the sole possessor of the name of Jesus in redemption.
- I alone have taken His name.
- I am His bride. I love His Name.
Revival is my heartbeat,
Calvary is my song,
The blood of Jesus is my hope,
The name of Jesus is my love,
Deliverance is my message,
The coming of Jesus is my prayer
I live only to:
- Worship Him
- Witness to others
- Love one another
- Praise His Holy Name
- Pray unto Him
- Help my brother
- Obey His Word and His will
I am sanctified
- Blood washed
- Blood bought
- Spirit filled
- Water baptized in Jesus name
- Tongue talking
- Endued with power from on high
- My name is written in the Lambs book of life
- I am the reason for Bethlehem,
- I am the reason for Calvary
- I am Pentecost in action
- I grow with tears
- I become stronger when I decrease
- I am love with a sword in its hand
- I am a soldier with compassion
- A rich man with no money,
- Royalty with no recognition
- I am an heir with no earthly home.
- I am a burden in shoe leather
- I am joyful when there is repentance
- I celebrate the death and Home-going of my own,
- Knowing that to absent from the body is to be present with the Lord.
- But I grieve for all others.
- I have prayed teeming thousands out of sick beds,
- Seen countless others raised up from their death beds,
- Watched blinded eyes open, and seen the lame walk.
- Yet I still reach out to help others who have never heard of Jesus.
- While hope and time remain, I am dedicated to helping others find Christ.
- I live in the Supernatural, I walk in the Spirit, and I enjoy the benefits of eternity right here on earth.
I am the church
- I love the unlovable,
- I reach out to the rejected and outcasts of society while giving hope to the discouraged and depressed.
- I am a refuge in troublesome times.
- I am a comfort from despair, and a shelter in life’s storms.
- I give hope to the hopeless and help o the helpless.
- I minister to the needs of both the body and soul
- I am blessed most, when I am being a blessing.
- I bear my brother’s burdens
- I am an encourager to all
- I am an edifier and a giver of strength
- I point all men to Calvary
- I lead the hungry to Heaven’s banqueting table
- I take no glory for myself
I am recognized by the fruit that I manifest.
- Love,
- Joy,
- Peace,
- Longsuffering,
- Gentleness,
- Goodness,
- Faith,
- Meekness,
- Temperance: against such there is no law.
I am the church
- I am betrothed to the King of Kings,
- To The Lord God Almighty
- The Alpha and Omega
- The Beginning and The End
- The First and The Last
- The Prince of Peace
- The Rose of Sharon
- The Chief Cornerstone
- The Captain of Salvation
- The Desire of All nations
- The Great High Priest
- The Good Shepherd
- Emmanuel
- The Lamb of God
- The Lord of Glory
- The Most High God
He who is called:
- Wonderful,
- Counselor,
- The mighty God,
- The everlasting Father,
- The Prince of Peace, This is my beloved.
- He is altogether lovely.
- I get excited about the Name of Jesus.
- His Name is above every other.
- I am the apple of His eye.
- I am my beloved’s and He is mine.
- I love the sound of His voice. His words to me are life and strength.
- I delight in them. I am excited when He speaks to me.
- I long for His touch.
- I live to be in His presence.
- I have no other joy.
- For all that thrills my soul is Jesus, He is more than life to me, and the fairest of 10,000 in His blessed face I see.
My days are limited, my time is short.
- I am redeeming the time.
- I am going to be caught away very soon.
- The Lord Jesus is coming to take me to a place He has prepared for me.
I must work while I still have the time.
- My light is lit
- There is oil in my lamp
- It is trimmed and burning
- I am watching and praying
- I am looking for His soon return
- I am on fire with Pentecostal fire
- The vision is great
- The harvest is great
- My garments are without spot or wrinkle
- I am ready for the 1st resurrection
I am the church
- My job is never done, nor my task finished till all have come to the knowledge of the truth.
- My focus must not be upon myself, but upon others.
- I cannot rest while one lost sheep is astray.
- I am called to rescue the perishing
- I am charged the responsibility of lost souls
Heaven is watching
Hell is watching
The world is watching
- I must not falter
- I must not fail
- I must not weaken or tire
- I shall not fail
- I shall be triumphant over all
- I will pray on
- I will sing on
- I will preach on
- I will go on
- I will keep on keeping on
- I will reach out to all that need Him
- I am determined to know nothing but Jesus Christ and Him crucified.
- The challenge before me is great, but He is greater.
- I shall be victorious over all, because of Him
- I am triumphant because of Him.
I am Called
I am Chosen
I will be Faithful
I am the church
“Are you in the Church Triumphant?
Are you in the Saviour’s Bride?
Come and be baptized into the body,
And for evermore abide.”
“I’m talking about the church
In the book of Revelation
It’s built on the Rock
Got a firm foundation
It’s been through the storm
It’s been through the fire
And one of these days,
This church is gonna move up higher
It’s the church, triumphant, Oh Lord,
And it’s built by the hand of the Lord.”
Are you in the Church today?
If not, then GET in it.
If you are IN it, then STAY in it
Debeaked
Debeaked
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Debeaking
When I was 14, our family lived in Yakima, WA. Dad had just started a Home Missions Church in a storefront there. I got a job working for “Pop” Dillon on his Egg Ranch. He had about 50,000 White Leghorns. I worked there for most of the 8th grade.
It did not take long in those “brooder houses” to find out that if a chicken sees a sore, or blood on another chicken, it will peck at it. Others will join in. They will not stop. Often chickens die as a result. They get pecked to death.
A commercial hen house
One summer morning I arrived at the farm and helped pick up a several hundred dead chickens that had been killed during the night. Pop Dillon was tired of losing so many on a regular basis. He decided to take drastic measures.
I was surprised when Pop said he wanted me to help him “debeak“ the pullets (young chickens). When asked why the procedure was necessary, he explained that it was the only way to keep them from pecking each other to death.
While the chicken’s body was firmly held in his left hand, Pop inserted the index finger of his right hand between the upper and lower beak. He then laid the upper beak down on a bar. When the handle was pushed, a heated piece of steel burned off the tip of the chicken’s top beak.
The chicken can still eat and drink but cannot peck any more chickens to death. Animal rights activists today strongly protest this procedure. However, it was effective. Sometimes drastic times call for drastic measures.
Now, with that in mind, let’s talk about you and me.
Could it be that the things we say about those that have problems and injuries, though true, actually helps finish them off. How many have we helped destroy with our words? We have all seen people with problems. Most of us have made comments.
Lev. 19:16 Thou shalt not go up and down as a talebearer among thy people: neither shalt thou stand against the blood of thy neighbour: I am the LORD.
Prov. 11:13 A talebearer revealeth secrets: but he that is of a faithful spirit concealeth the matter.
Prov. 26:20 Where no wood is, there the fire goeth out: so where there is no talebearer, the strife ceaseth.
- (Heaven forbid you should talk about your pastor.)
Some information does not HAVE to be passed on, even if it’s true. Why are we quick to tell what we know or have heard that is bad? Does it make us sound important? We can’t whitewash ourselves by blackening others. If our speech is injurious to a brother, it also harms the unity of the church family. Are we killing one other by being a talebearer?
Gal. 5:15 But if ye bite and devour one another, take heed that ye be not consumed one of another.
- Gossip Lesson 101: If you keep pecking at others, you may soon draw unwanted attention to yourself.
- Drastic measures may occur.
- Maybe a spiritual debeaking is in order.
Phil. 4:8 Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.
I Wish You Enough
**I received this in an Email from my life-long Friend, Bro. John McDonald from Eureka, CA.
__________________________________________________ ___
Recently I overheard a Father and daughter in their last moments together at the airport. They had announced the departure. Standing near the security gate, they hugged and the Father said, ‘I love you, and I wish you enough.’
The daughter replied, ‘Dad, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed. I wish you enough, too, Dad.’
They kissed and the daughter left. The Father walked over to the window where I was seated. Standing there I could see he wanted and needed to cry. I tried not to intrude on his privacy, but he welcomed me in by asking, ‘Did you ever say goodbye to someone knowing it would be forever?’
‘Yes, I have,’ I replied. ‘Forgive me for asking, but why is this a forever goodbye?’.
‘I am old, and she lives so far away. I have challenges ahead and the reality is – the next trip back will be for my funeral,’ he said.
‘When you were saying goodbye, I heard you say, ‘I wish you enough.’ May I ask what that means?’
He began to smile. ‘That’s a wish that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone..’ He paused a moment and looked up as if trying to remember it in detail, and he smiled even more. ‘When we said, ‘I wish you enough,’ we were wanting the other person to have a life filled with just enough good things to sustain them.’ Then turning toward me, he shared the following as if he were reciting it from memory.
I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright no matter how gray the day may appear.
I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun even more.
I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive and everlasting.
I wish you enough pain so that even the smallest of joys in life may appear bigger.
I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.
I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.
I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final goodbye.
He then began to cry and walked away.
They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them; but then an entire life to forget them.
TAKE TIME TO LIVE….
To all my friends and family, I WISH YOU ENOUGH.
All Bad Things Must Come To An End
All Bad Things Must Come To An End
Psa. 30:5 For his anger endureth but a moment; in his favour is life: weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.
There is an old saying: “All good things must come to an end.” God’s word says the opposite is true as well.
I love remembering lines from songs Bro. Tim Spell sings. Phrases like… “Troubles Don’t Last Always” and ”
“Storms don’t Decide How Long They Will Stay, When The Master Says ‘ENOUGH.’ They Just Go Away.”
- Bad things came to an end for Job when He prayed for his friends.
- Joseph: went from the Prison to the Throne
- David: journeyed from the Cave to the Throne
Be Encouraged.
Your Nightmare Will End!
Apostolic Expository Series
Christy Ballestero (My Beautiful DIL)
http://marciaballestero.com/
Pastor Anthony & Kim Ballestero, New Destiny Worship Center, Clearwater, FL (My Son)
Pastor Bryan & Christy Ballestero, Temple Of Pentecost, Raleigh, NC (My Son)
James Groce Blog – "Toward The Mark"
Kenneth Bow Blog
Kingdom Speak Podcast
Philip Harrelson – "The Barnabas Blog"
Verbal Bean Ministries
Holy Ghost Radio
The Ballestero Blog 