The Ballestero Blog

Did You Grow Up With An Angry Person?

If someone close to you, such as a family member or friend has or has had an anger problem, the following questions may help you determine if help is needed.

1. Do you constantly seek approval and affirmation?

2. Do you fail to recognize your accomplishments?

3. Do you fear criticism?

4. Do you overextend yourself?

5. Have you had problems with uncontrolled outbursts?

6. Do you have a need for perfection?

7. Are you uneasy when your life is going smoothly, continually anticipating problems?

8. Do you feel more alive in the midst of a crisis?

9. Do you feel responsible for others, as you did for the angry person in your life?

10. Do you care for others easily, yet find it difficult to care for yourself?

11. Do you isolate yourself from other people?

12. Do you respond with fear to authority figures and angry people?

13. Do you feel that individuals and society in general are taking advantage of you?

14. Do you have trouble with intimate relationships?

15. Do you confuse pity with love as you did with the problem person?

16. Do you attract and/or seek people who tend to be angry and/or abusive?

17. Do you cling to relationships because you are afraid of being alone?

18. Do you often mistrust your own feelings and the feelings expressed by others?

19. Do you find it difficult to identify and express your own emotions?

20. Do you think someone’s anger problem may have affected you?

Anger is a dysfunction in many families. Those who have lived through this as children may have problems that need to be resolved. If you have answered yes to any of the above questions, there is help for you.

Victims of anger have had to deal with extreme circumstances beyond their control for most of their life. Their environment became their private prison through no fault of their own.

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Biblical Insight

Prov. 27:4 Wrath is cruel, and anger is outrageous;

Eccl. 7:9 Be not hasty in thy spirit to be angry: for anger resteth in the bosom of fools.

Are You Troubled By Someone’s Anger?

Too many Christians are affected by the excessive anger of someone who is close to them. Sadly, this problem has often found it’s way into the best of families.

The following questions are designed to help you decide whether or not help is needed.

1. Do you worry about how often someone gets angry?

2. Do you have to spend money to replace broken things because of someone else’s anger?

3. Do you tell ‘lies’ to minimize or cover up for the actions of someone else’s anger?

4. Do you feel that if the angry person loved you, he or she would stop being angry to please you?

5. Do you blame the angry person’s behavior on his or her childhood?

6. Are plans frequently upset or meals ruined because of their anger?

7. Do you make threats, such as, “I can’t stand your anger any more, I’m going to leave you”?

8. Do you feel the need to check their attitude before speaking?

9. Are you afraid to upset someone for fear it will set him or her off?

10. Have you been ashamed or embarrassed by an angry person’s behavior?

11. Are holidays and family gatherings spoiled because of someone’s anger?

12. Have you considered calling the police for help or in fear, because of anger?

13. Are any of your personal possessions missing or destroyed because of anger?

14. Are children in your house also victims of this anger?

15. Have you not invited guests to your home or refused social invitations out of fear or anxiety?

16. Do you feel like a failure when you think of the unsuccessful lengths you have gone to in order to lessen or control their anger?

17. Do you ever threaten to hurt yourself to ‘scare’ the angry person?

18. Do you feel upset, confused or depressed most of the time?

19. Have you feared for your personal safety.

20. Do you feel there is no one who understands your problems, or no one you can talk to?

If you have answered yes to three or more of these questions, immediate help is needed.

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Biblical Point

NKJV Pro 19:19 A man of great wrath will suffer punishment; For if you rescue him, you will have to do it again.

It doesn’t matter how many times you bail out a person out an angry person, you are going to have to bail them out again and again. As long as they cannot control their anger they are going to get into trouble. All the loved ones will suffer. Help is needed.