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Call Yer Mom!

Call Yer Mom!

My cousin Pastor Clayton Brown and I sat in the quaint little Italian restaurant across from Bro. Paul Price in Napa, California. It was an honor for us to have supper with such a respected Pentecostal leader. He had been a dear friend of my family and my wife’s family over the years.

“I hear that you call your mother every day. Is that true?”

Those were his first words that evening as we sat down to eat. I was taken by surprise.

“I do my best to call her every day. Sometimes we have a problem connecting because I’m in a bad area or something.”

“Yes but you do try?” He pushed the subject. But now I noticed his eyes were beginning to brim with tears.

“Absolutely!”

The tears still made me wonder why this subject brought emotion so close to the surface for him.

“I’m proud of you for that. I wished more sons would call their widowed mothers.

“I just got off the phone talking to a man about that. I had to bawl him out for neglecting to call his widowed mother. She had no one to check on her. She was desperate to hear his voice. He said he was busy. I can’t tell you how much that upset me.

“Do you know that the Bible has much to say about the treatment of widows? There are curses on those that mistreat and neglect them. God hates them that do.”

The air was not completely out of Bro. Price’s sail yet on the subject, but we were interrupted by the waiter. Although we never continued the subject, I never forgot it.

I didn’t want to know who the person was, but I was glad it wasn’t me and that I had tried to call my Mom as often as I could. I also didn’t know who’d told on me, but I was glad I got caught doing something good for once.

Although my own Mom does very good for 88 years, there are many moments when I wish her short term memory was better. I may have to remind her a time or two within a single phone call where I’m preaching a revival or if my wife is with me or at our house.

It doesn’t matter whether she can remember tomorrow that I called her today or not. I remember. Right now that’s what matters to me.

I’ve pray my children keep close tabs on my beloved wife when I’m gone.

Oh, and here’s a bit of unasked for advice for the rest of you… ‘Call yer Mom!’

Written by Martyn Ballestero

May 14, 2010 at 6:57 am

Posted in Family, Mother, Uncategorized

Why I Dress Up For My Wife!

with 22 comments

I’m getting ready to go to the airport in a few minutes. I am wearing dress slacks, a sport coat, a dress shirt and a tie. The occasion? I’m going to see my wife in Indianapolis tonight. I ALWAYS dress up when I come home to my wife! Why? I would hope that the fact that I took extra time to dress up, tells her I think she is someone worth dressing up for. I want her to think, to know, and to feel that I consider her the most important person in this world. I will always dress up for her. I try to show her, that I think she’s very special! I might add that my efforts do not go unnoticed or unappreciated.

So what’s my point?

My point is that we are living in a very casual society. My travels have taken me to churches wear adults and young people wear clothes that not even a golf course would permit. Flip flops, tee shirts, curlers in the hair, and clothes that no one bothered to iron or maybe even wash, are seen in too many churches. What’s the deal? Why are Pentecostal churches looking like “Nothing special is going on here.”

There Is A Curse In Being Casual About The Things Of God:

1. CASUAL IN ATTITUDE

UZZAH:

Touch Ark to steady it and God killed him. He was too familiar and too comfortable.
Casual Attitude brings Familiarity

ESAU:

Heb 12:16 Profane = to treat as commonplace.
Later he sought for God carefully with tears but never found help.
Casual brings Unconcern
Next is Contempt (He traded birthright for something to eat)

(Heb 12:17 KJV) For ye know how that afterward, when he would have inherited the blessing, he was rejected: for he found no place of repentance, though he sought it carefully with tears.
He got careful too late.

ATTITUDE

Gum chewers – almost never respond, and never receive.
Demonstrates an attitude of a spectator at an event.
A watcher.

DRESS

Carelessness about attire tells God you don’t think coming to His House is important
Some are very careless about modesty
Many are careless about adorning themselves with jewelry like Israel did when it backslid.

Wear your best to church

Dress up for God
He hates casual!!

God said to Moses, “Take off your shoes,” you are on Holy ground. God wanted Moses to be respectful in His presence.

2. CASUAL IN OBEDIENCE

Casual in Giving: Tithe/Offerings
Sacrifice: God got tired of Israel bring him 2nd rate lambs. He wanted the best. No Blemish.
Don’t be Casual in what you give God or Do for God

CAIN:

Offered what he felt was OK to God. It was good enough for him; it should be good enough for God.

SAUL:

Casual in obedience
Destroyed as he saw fit. Used his own judgment. Didn’t obey the prophet and let Agag live.

3. CASUAL IN WORSHIP

Pharisees – whited sepulchers, worship with lips, but heart is far from me
Half Hearted worship too common in Pentecost

4. CASUAL IN FAITHFULNESS

Why did he have to say, forsake not the assembling of yourselves together if they weren’t casual about their attendance?
(Heb 10:25 KJV) Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching.

5. CASUAL IN COMMITTMENT

AMAZIAH:

Did that which was right in the sight of the Lord, yet not with a perfect heart as did his father David

AHAB

(1 Ki 16:31 KJV) And it came to pass, as if it had been a light thing for him to walk in the sins of Jeroboam the son of Nebat, that he took to wife Jezebel the daughter of Ethbaal king of the Zidonians, and went and served Baal, and worshipped him.

(1 Ki 16:33 KJV) And Ahab made a grove; and Ahab did more to provoke the LORD God of Israel to anger than all the kings of Israel that were before him.

Your Casualness will cause you to provoke God.
Fools make a mock at sin.
Are you Casual with God? You’ll be casual with sin

YOUR CASUAL LIFESTYLE ANGERS GOD

Churches without conviction (are they casual?)
A Casual ministry brought Strange Fire
Some silly preachers wearing shorts and tank tops in public.
Even preaching in them.
God is NOT pleased.

REPENTANCE IS THE KEY

(2 Cor 7:11 KJV) For behold this selfsame thing, that ye sorrowed after a godly sort, what carefulness it wrought in you, yea, what clearing of yourselves, yea, what indignation, yea, what fear, yea, what vehement desire, yea, what zeal, yea, what revenge! In all things ye have approved yourselves to be clear in this matter.

Yea what carefulness it wrought in you.
Only Repentance removes the casual attitude

Written by Martyn Ballestero

April 19, 2010 at 11:53 am

Posted in Family, God's House, Love, Respect

Your Leaves Will Grow Back!

with 7 comments

Your Leaves Will Grow Back!

“Honey, I don’t want to live anymore! I don’t feel like I’m trusting God, taking my heart medicine! I just want to go home and be with my darling!” My Mom confided to me.

My Mother, Content Ballestero had spent her life encouraging and blessing others. As her oldest child and only son, I had never known Mom to be anything but upbeat. One of our phone conversations, a few months after Dad’s passing in 1994, took a downturn. Mom was not sounding like her normal self. It caught me off guard.

I sat in my living room, 2,400 miles away feeling quite helpless. I had never been in this position before. What do I say? How do I respond to her? Sometimes I hated being a preacher, because you’re supposed to know what to say at all times. I don’t feel gifted in that department. I prayed silently that the Lord would give me words to speak to her.

“Mama,” I said, “Let’s talk about these things one at a time, OK?”

She agreed.

“Number 1, Why do you say you are not trusting God when you take your heart medicine? When you needed glasses to help your vision, you went to the Eye Doctor. You wear glasses. Why don’t you feel you’re not trusting God when you’re wearing glasses?

“You went to the Dentist and got false teeth, you didn’t say anything about trusting God, you just did what you had to do.” I reminded her.

“Oh honey, thank you!” She murmured.

“Number 2,” I continued, “If you want to ‘go home’ and be with Daddy, and you feel that God is done with you here, then go out into the backyard, find you the biggest old bucket you can find, and kick that sucker as hard as you can kick it.”

I knew that would shock her. Her response was that she needed that and she chuckled and thanked me again.

“Number 3, the Bible says we’re like trees planted by the river. (Psa. 1:3 “And he shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water…)

“Mom, we’ve lived many years in Indiana, and watched the trees go through the four seasons. The trees bud, green leaves appear, they turn brown in the fall, and then they fall off and the tree becomes bare in the winter.

The Four Seasons Of A Tree

“But just because the leaves fall off, doesn’t mean the squirrels have to move to another tree. Just because the leaves have fallen off doesn’t mean the birds will move their nests to another tree. The birds and the squirrels stay in the same tree. The leaves always grow back. You’re leaves will grow back too, Mom!”

“Do the ladies and girls in the church still come up to you and ask questions, or ask advice or request prayer?

“Yes, almost every service.”

“Do you still get invitations to speak at Ladies Meetings? “

“All the time!”

“Well Mom, you may feel like your leaves are all gone, but the birds haven’t flown off. The squirrels haven’t changed trees. You’re still invited places and you’re still needed. Your leaves will grow back, Mom!”

“Oh son,” She exclaimed, “You are so wise!”

“No Mom, kids are like little piggy banks. When they are little, parents make deposits of information into them. Then sometimes when they get older, they don’t trust their own judgment like they use to. Then they ask their child questions, and what their child does, is let them reach into that piggy bank and make a withdrawal of information. What I’m telling you today, is just stuff that you put into me years ago. Today Mom, you’re just making a little withdrawal”

After she blew her nose, I heard her say, “Thank you son, I love you so much!”

Written by Martyn Ballestero

March 29, 2010 at 1:11 am

Posted in Christian Living, Family, Life, Ministry

She Laughed Her Way Through Her Trial!

with 5 comments

She Laughed Her Way Through Her Trial!

Southern California in 1958 seemed like another world to me. I should have been used to traveling and changing towns. This place had a different “feel” about it. But I knew I would adjust. At 14, I had already gone to 21 schools. My Dad, Carl Ballestero, had been an Evangelist or Pastor all my life. Moving almost seemed normal to us.

Daddy had just resigned the little storefront church he had started in Yakima, WA. He had gotten a letter from a pastor he knew requesting he come and take his church as he was going to the mission field.

Our family of seven was crammed into the two door 1948 Pontiac. A small tarp covered utility trailer holding everything we possessed in the world was hitched to the bumper. We looked like Gypsies, I’m sure.

When we arrived at the Pastor’s home to present ourselves, a shocked look came into his eyes and he said, “Oh Brother Ballestero, I am so sorry, I’ve changed my mind and I decided to stay. I meant to write you and tell you not to come.”

My Father smiled and thanked him as he turned back to the car trying not to let dismay or discouragement show on his face to his family. We drove down the road a ways and turned a corner and stopped the car. Daddy and Mother had to decide what we were going to do next.

We had nowhere to go. Daddy only had $85 cash left. My four little sisters seemed too young to understand the crisis. There was not enough gas to go another 100 miles.

Daddy bought a newspaper and he and Mom read the “houses for rent” section of the classifieds. There was a converted duplex in National City that might work. The price was $80 a month. The last line said “no children.” We went to look anyway.

Daddy said that he knew the Pastor in National City, a Brother Leaman Reynolds. I’d never heard of him. Mom said maybe we could attend his church while Daddy Evangelized for a while.

When we arrived at the rental house, the landlady was waiting. When she saw us 5 kids, she promptly told Daddy that children were not allowed.

“Do you need me to drown them for you?” was his response.

She looked us over carefully and smiled and then agreed to let us rent the house. Now, we had $5.00 left. We drove to town and Dad talked the Utility Company into turning on the water and electricity for $5.00.

The car and trailer got unloaded quickly. There were no beds, so pallets were made on the floor. I went behind the Safeway Grocery Store and found 4 wooden orange crates by the trash bin. We took a closet door off and laid it on the orange crates to make a dinning room table of sorts. We didn’t have any chairs. The good news was, the crates made the table a comfortable height for those sitting on the floor.

The first morning, I was awakened by feminine shrieks. The previous renters had lived in the house with 16 dogs. (We’d found out later.)

My little sister’s arms, legs and torsos had flea bites everywhere. All of us were bitten. The fleas were still visible and so thick that mom got her vacuumkoo.com cleaner and took the hose and vacuumed the fleas off of our bodies.

When that chore was finished, we turned our eyes to Mom. She said to Dad, “Carl, we don’t even have a quarter to buy flea powder. But God said in Malachi, that if we would pay our tithes, He would rebuke the devourer for our sakes. Now honey, we’ve paid our tithes, so let’s get down here on the floor and ask God to rebuke these little devourers for our sake.”

And pray we did. Or, at least pray Mom and Dad did. Most of us kids just scratched with our eyes closed. I think we scratched more than we prayed. Mom has always been one of those Holy Ghost women that can go from “0” to “100” in 3 seconds. It didn’t take Mom long in pray before we heard her shift gears and move on out to the “Glory World” in God.

I don’t remember what she said, but what I do remember is that, when that 15-minute prayer meeting was over, the miracle had already happened. From that moment till we moved out over a year later, there were no more fleas found in that house!

Mother had brought a large bag of Pinto Beans down from Washington. A 50 lb. sack, if I remember correctly. The beans provided or only source of food for about a month. There was no salt, pepper, or ham hock to season with. We all drank tap water and felt happy for that. Beans three times a day. The current generation, with their luxuries from the WaterSoftenerGuide, we had none of that and it made us strong mentally.

When we gathered at the makeshift dinner table for supper. We folded our legs and sat on the floor. Mom announced the menu every evening and came around one by one and asked the same questions of us all.

“Tonight Darlings, we have:

Fried Chicken?
Roast Beef?
Swiss Steak?

Which would you like?”

“Oh, I’d like some chicken,” I said.

“Great choice! Do you want white meat or dark meat?” was her next question.

When I said I wanted white meat, Mom put a spoonful of beans on my plate.

“Do you want:

Baked potato?
Fried potatoes?
Mashed potatoes?

When we answered, Mom would put another dollop of beans on our plate. If we chose mashed potatoes, she would put a few more on that pile saying it was gravy.

Then she asked, do you want:

Corn on the cob?
California blend?
Fresh snapped green beans?

Another pile was added regardless of our choice.

The salad menu often included:

Garden salad (Dressings required additional beans)
Caesar salad
Cottage cheese and pears

Mom smiled and we laughed together as she served our supper. It was funny to us to say we wanted one thing and then be served another.

There always was a saucer beside our plates. The saucer served as a dessert plate.

Every night, we got to choose between things like.

Chocolate cake
Banana Pudding
Strawberry Shortcake

When she finished serving us there were often 4 or 5 piles of beans on our plates, not counting our dessert.

Mama made us smile at mealtime as she used her imagination to lighten the reality of life.

One afternoon after a month or so, a grocery store delivery truck backed up to our door. The driver looked at his delivery receipt and asked if this was the Ballestero residence. When we said it was, he opened the back door of the bobtail truck and there were sacks and sacks and more sacks of groceries.

Mother told him there must be some mistake, because we hadn’t ordered any groceries.

He looked at the delivery order again. And then said, “It says here the groceries have paid for by someone named: Anonymous. Over two hundred dollars worth paid in full. And they are to be delivered to the home of Carl Ballestero.

We cried with joy as the sacks of food covered the table, the counter, and the floor. We didn’t even know what to eat first. But what we did first was thank the Lord.

As a result of my Mom’s attitude during hard times, I was a full-time evangelist for over two years before I knew what a trial was. Mom had made our journey through hard times seem so fun and enjoyable, I didn’t know it was a trial. I thought everybody lived like that! She showed us that, “attitude was not something, attitude was everything.”

Thanks Mom! You’re the Best!

Written by Martyn Ballestero

March 15, 2010 at 9:07 am

Posted in Christian Living, Faith, Family, Humor, Prayer

When a Husband Offends His Wife

with 3 comments

When a Husband Offends His Wife

Dr. Gary Smalley

When a husband recognizes that he has offended his wife in any of these ways, he needs to clear it up in order to restore the relationship. Why not ask your wife to check these that are true of you.

1. Ignoring her.

2. Not valuing her opinions

3. Showing more attention to other people than her.

4. Not listening to her or not understanding what she feels is important.

5. Closing her out by not talking or listening to her (the silent treatment).

6. Being easily distracted when she is trying to talk.

7. Not scheduling special time to be with her.

8. Not being open to talk about things you do not understand.

9. Not being open to talk about things she does not understand.

10. Not giving her a chance to voice her opinion on decisions that affect the whole family.

11. Disciplining her by being silent or angry.

12. Making jokes about her life.

13. Making sarcastic statements about her.

14. Insulting her in front of others.

15. Coming back with quick retorts.

16. Giving harsh admonitions.

17. Using careless words before you think through how they will affect her.

18. Nagging her in harshness.

19. Rebuking her before giving her a chance to explain a situation.

20. Raising your voice at her.

21. Making critical comments with no logical basis

22. Swearing or using foul language in her presence.

23. Correcting her in public.

24. Being tactless when pointing out her weaknesses or blind spots.

25. Reminding her angrily that you warned her not to do something.

26. Having a disgusted or judgmental attitude.

27. Pressuring her when she is already feeling low or offended.

28. Lecturing her when she needs to be comforted, encouraged or treated gently.

29. Breaking promises without any explanation or without being asked to be released from the promise.

30.Telling her how wonderful other women are and comparing her to other women.

31. Holding resentment about something she did and tried to make right.

32. Being disrespectful to her family and relatives

33. Coercing her into an argument.

34. Correcting or punishing her in anger for something for which she is not guilty.

35. Not praising her for something she did well even if she did it for you.

36. Treating her like a little child.

37. Being rude to her or to other people in public, like restaurant personnel or clerks.

38. Being unaware of her needs

39. Being ungrateful.

40. Not trusting her.

41. Not approving of what she does or how she does it.

42. Not being interested in her own personal growth.

43. Being inconsistent or having double standards (doing things you won’t allow her to do.)

44. Not giving her advice when she really needs it and asks for it.

45. Not telling her you love her.

46. Having prideful and arrogant attitudes in general.

47. Not giving daily encouragement.

48. Failing to include her in a conversation when you are with other people.

49. Failing to spend quality time with her when you’re at a party.

50. “Talking her down” – continuing to discuss or argue a point just to prove you’re right.

51. Ignoring her around the house as if she weren’t a member of the family.

52. Not taking time to listen to what she believes is important as soon as you come home from work.

53. Ignoring her at social gatherings.

54. Not attending church as a family.

55. Failure to express honestly what you think her innermost feelings are.

56. Showing more excitement for work or other activities than her.

57. Being impolite at mealtime.

58. Having sloppy manners around the house and in front of others.

59. Not inviting her out on romantic dates from time to time (just the two of you).

60. Not helping her with the children just before mealtime or during times of extra stress.

61. Not volunteering to help her with the dishes occasionally, or with cleaning the house.

62. Making her feel stupid when she shares an idea about your work or decisions that need to be made.

63. Making her feel unworthy for desiring certain furniture or insurance or other material needs for herself and the family.

64. Not being consistent with the children; not taking an interest in playing with them or spending quality and quantity time with them.

65. Not showing public affection for her, like holding her hand or putting your arm around her. (You seem to be embarrassed to be with her.)

66. Not sharing your life with her, like your ideas or your feelings (e.g. what’s going on at work).

67. Not being the spiritual leader of your home.

68. Demanding that she submit to you.

69. Demanding that she be involved with you sexually when you are not in harmony.

70. Being unwilling to admit you’re wrong.

71. Resisting whenever she shares on of your blind spots.

72. Being too busy with work and activities.

73. Not showing compassion and understanding for her and the children when there is a real need.

74. Not planning for the future, making her vary insecure.

75. Being stingy with money, making her feel like she is being paid a salary – and not much at all.

76. Wanting to do things to embarrass her sexually.

77. Reading sexual magazines in front of her or the children.

78. Forcing her to make many of the decisions regarding the checkbook and bills.

79. Forcing her to handle bill collectors and overdue bills.

80. Not letting her lean on your gentleness and strength from time to time.

81. Not allowing her to fail – always feeling like you have to lecture her.

82. Refusing to let her be a woman.

83. Criticizing her womanly characteristics or sensitivity as being weak.

84. Spending too much money and getting the family too far into debt.

85. Not having a sense of humor and not joking about things together.

86. Not telling her how important she is to you.

87. Not sending her love letters from time to time.

88. Forgetting special dates like anniversaries or birthdays.

89. Not defending her when someone else is complaining or tearing her down.

90. Not putting your arm around her and hugging her when she’s in need of comfort.

91. Not bragging to other people about her.

92. Being dishonest

93. Discouraging her for trying to better herself either through education or physical fitness.

94. Continuing distasteful habits.

95. Not treating her as if “Handle With Care” was stamped on her forehead.

96. Ignoring her relatives and the people that are important to her.

97. Taking her for granted, assuming that ‘a woman’s work is never done” around the house.

98. Not including her in the future plans until the very last minute.

99. Never doing little unexpected things for her.

100. Not treating her like an intellectual equal.

101. Looking at her as a weaker individual in general.

102. Being preoccupied with your own goals and needs making her feel like she and the children do not count.

103. Threatening never to let her do something again because she made a mistake in the past.

104. Criticizing her behind her back. (This is really painful for her to hear about your criticisms from someone else.

105. Blaming her for the things in your relationship that are clearly your failure.

106. Not being aware of her physical limitations, treating her like a man by roughhousing with her or making her carry heaving objects.

107. Losing patience or getting angry with her when she can’t keep up with your schedule or physical stamina.

108. Acting like you’re a martyr if you go along with her opinions.

109. Sulking when she challenges your comments.

110. Joining too many organizations which exclude her and the children.

111. Failing to repair items around the house.

112. Watching too much TV or playing video games and therefore neglecting her and the children.

113. Demanding that she sit and listen to your point of view when she needs to be taking care of the children’s needs.

114. Insisting on lecturing her in order to convey what you believe are important things.

115. Humiliating her with words and actions, saying things like, “I can’t stand living in a pig pen.”

116. Not taking time to prepare her for enjoy sexual intimacy.

117. Spending money extravagantly without helping those less fortunate.

118. Avoiding family activities that the children enjoy.

119. Taking vacations that are primarily for your pleasure, like fishing or hunting while preventing her from shopping or doing things she enjoys.

120. Not letting her get away from the children just to be with friends, go shopping for special items, or have a trip away with her friends.

121. Being unwilling to join her in things she enjoys like shopping, going out for coffee and desert at a restaurant.

122. Not understanding the boring chores a housewife does: like picking up clothes and toys all day long, wiping runny noses, putting on and taking off muddy work boots and jackets, washing and ironing, etc. etc.

Written by Martyn Ballestero

March 11, 2010 at 12:01 am

Posted in Bitterness, Family, Life, Love, Personal Growth, Respect, Romance, Unity

100 Ways You Can Love Your Wife Her Way

with 2 comments

I am reading a book by Gary Smalley. “Hidden Keys of a Loving Lasting Marriage.” Mr. Smalley has several lists in this book that may prove important to your marriage.

(My experience as a former pastor is that those that have problems at home, wind up having problems at church.)

100 Ways You Can Love Your Wife Her Way.

Discuss this list with your wife.

Ask her to check the ones that are meaningful to her
Arrange them in order of importance to her.
Use the list as a basis for learning her views.

I know your relationship will be greatly strengthened as you learn how to use these suggestions.

100 Ways

1.Communicate with her; never close her out.

2. Regard her as important.

3. Do everything you can to understand her feelings.

4. Be interested in her family.

5. Ask her opinion frequently.

6. Value what she says.

7. Let her feel your approval and affection.

8. Protect her on a daily basis.

9. Be gentle and tender with her.

10. Develop a sense of humor.

11. Avoid sudden major changes without discussion or giving her time to adjust.

12. Learn to respond openly and verbally when she wants to communicate.

13. Comfort her when she is down emotionally. For instance put your arms around her and silently hold her for a few seconds without lectures or putdowns.

14. Be interested in what she feels is important in life.

15. Correct her gently and tenderly.

16. Allow her to teach you without putting up your defenses.

17. Make special time available to her and your children.

18. Be trustworthy.

19. Compliment her often.

20. Be creative when you express your love, either in words or in actions.

21. Have specific family goals for each year.

22. Let her buy things she considers necessary.

23. Be forgiving when she offends you.

24. Show her you need her.

25. Accept her the way she is; discover her uniqueness as special.

26. Admit your mistakes. Don’t be afraid to be humble.

27. Lead your family in a spiritual relationship with God.

28.Allow your wife to fail; discuss what went wrong after you have comforted her.

29. Rub her feet or neck after a hard day.

30. Take time for the two of you to sit and talk calmly.

31. Go on romantic outings,

32. Write her a letter occasionally, telling her how much you love her.

33. Surprise her with a card or flowers.

34. Express how much you appreciate her.

35. Tell her how proud you are of her.

36. Give advice in a loving way when she asks for it.

37. Defend her to others.

38. Prefer her over others.

39. Do not expect her to do activities beyond her emotional or physical capabilities.

40. Pray for her to enjoy God’s best in life.

41. Take time to notice what she has done for you and the family.

42. Brag about her to other people behind her back.

43. Tell her about your job if she is interested.

44. Share your thoughts and feelings with her.

45. Take time to know how she spends her day at work or at home.

46. Learn to enjoy what she enjoys.

47. Take care of the kids before dinner.

48. Help straighten up the house before mealtime.

49. Let her take a bubble bath while you do the dishes.

50. Understand her physical limitations if you have several children.

51. Discipline the children in love, not in anger.

52. Help her finish her goals — hobbies or education.

53. Treat her as if God hand stamped on her forehead, “Handle with care.”

54. Get rid of habits that annoy her.

55. Be gentle and thoughtful of her relatives.

56. Do not compare her relatives with yours in a negative way.

57. Thank her for things she has done without expecting anything in return.

58. Do not expect the band to play when you help with house cleaning.

59. Make sure she understands everything you are planning to do.

60. Do little things for her – An unexpected kiss, coffee in bed.

61. Treat her as an intellectual equal.

62. Find out if she wants to be treated as physically weaker.

63. Discover her fears in life.

64. See what you can do to eliminate her fears.

65. Discover her intimate needs.

66. Ask if she wants to discuss how you can meet her intimate needs.

67.Find out what makes her insecure.

68. Plan your future together.

69. Do not quarrel over words, but try to find hidden meanings.

70. Practice common courtesies like holding the door open for her or pouring her coffee.

71. Ask if you offend her in any way when being intimate with her.

72. Ask if she is jealous of anyone.

73. She if she is uncomfortable about the way money is spent.

74. Take her on dates now and then.

75. Hold her hand in public.

76. Put your arm around her in front of friends.

77. Tell her you love her — often.

78. Remember anniversaries, birthdays, and other special occasions.

79. Learn to enjoy shopping.

80. Teach her to hunt and fish or whatever you enjoy doing.

81. Give her a special gift from time to time.

82. Share the responsibilities around the house.

83. Do not belittle her feminine characteristics.

84. Let her express herself freely, without fear of being called stupid, or illogical.

85. Carefully choose your words, especially when angry.

86. Do not criticize her in front of others.

87. Do not let her see you become excited about the physical features of another woman.

88. Be sensitive to other people.

89. Let your family know that you want to spend special time with them.

90. Fix dinner for her from time to time.

91. Be sympathetic when she is sick.

92. Call her when you are going to be late.

93. Do not disagree with her in front of the children.

94. Take her out to dinner and for little getaways.

95. Do the “little things” she needs from time to time.

96. Give her special time to be alone or with her friends.

97. Buy her what she considers an intimate gift.

98. Read a book she recommends to you.

99. Give her an engraved plaque assuring her of your lasting love.

100. Write a poem about how special she is.

If your wife persistently reacts negatively to you, it may be because she perceives a threat to one or both of two important areas: 1) her security 2) her established relationships.

Written by Martyn Ballestero

March 10, 2010 at 9:24 am

Posted in Family, Love, Romance

The Children Of Bitterness

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The Children Of Bitterness

The Instructor for our marriage seminar was still talking about bitterness. For 3 nights he had brought up the subject and lingered there a good while.

He said that young couples might have an argument and say something stupid like: I hate you, or I don’t love you anymore! There may be a time of repenting and forgiveness for them, but that memory will linger for 40 years. Staying resident just under the surface.

I appreciated the subject being covered for the couples, but tonight was the last night. Bitterness again was still the theme at a marriage seminar. Why? He explained that bitterness gets you in trouble with God, God’s man, and also destroys your home.

It all came together finally for me when he asked for the big chalkboard and drew a family tree down to the 4^th generation.

He wrote the name Ted, at the top level, saying that Ted had attended his church for many years. He had also known all 4 generations of his family.

The reason for drawing the family tree was to point out the sad truth that none of us contain our thoughts, feelings and emotions so guardedly that no one else is affected. Like a hereditary cancer, negative emotions and attitudes can grow and contaminate others. It’s a generational thing. Unless someone breaks the cycle, there will be many injured.

“Look,” the preacher said, “at Bro. Ted’s life story.”

(My wandering mind was brought back to reality.)

“He was a hard working, middle-aged Pentecostal. He had a good wife and had 2 children. For a while their home was a haven.

“Bro. Ted was liked by the good folks in the church and was selected to be a trustee. He seemed to enjoy the job and was very active in the church.”

In the 3^rd year of a former pastor’s tenure, it just seemed to him that the preaching was getting a bit too conservative and personal for his liking. His preaching felt personally directed to him and Ted resented that. He found himself feeling a strong dislike for the pastor.

It was an unmentioned fact that Ted was slow to forgive and was known to “hold” grudges for a long time. When someone hurt him, his reaction was to hurt back. He always did that.

At a church workday one Saturday, the pastor had said, “Brother, could I get you to sweep up that trash over there, please?”

“What trash?” said Ted looking in the general area, “The only trash we have around here is what stands behind the pulpit!”

God paralyzed him so that he could not move or bend and Ted was carried away like a log. Some of the men tried to put him into the car to take him to the hospital, but he couldn’t bend to close the door. He asked for the preacher to come and pray for him. Ted repented to his pastor, he was prayed for and God restored him to normal health.

I wish that the story ended there. It seemed however, that it was just the symptom of a deeper deadly disease.

Not long afterwards, he felt his wife disapproved of some of his ideas and actions. They argued. Harsh words were used. That hurt him. She needed to be hurt back, he felt. Ted found a woman at work that was sympathetic and appealing. His romantic fling with this woman shattered the marriage.

The children watched the parents argue and destroy their relationship. They saw the bitterness displayed. They heard the bitterness expressed.

Ted’s two children struggled in their relationships. The girl became an unwed mother several times before marrying. She married several times. Her brother was never faithful to his spouses either.

His grandchildren all experienced multiple divorces, affairs, had babies out-of-wedlock, and continued the holding of grudges like their grandfather.

By now, only one or two would even sporadically try to attend church. Holidays were about the only time.

All of the 4^th generation, experienced similar marriage, moral, and God problems.

Their bitterness towards God was not contained at that, it had spilled over into all of their homes.

No one broke the cycle. The bitterness, the holding of grudges, the retaliation, and the desire to hurt back descended down from one man.

A few years after the marriage seminar, I went to visit that church one Sunday. Ted had been buried on Friday, two days earlier. None of his children or grandchildren went to church. Ted had died backslidden.

The truth is, children watch their parents. They know whether they forgive or hold grudges.

Openly repenting and forgiving allows children to see that Daddy was not less of a man. Not only would Daddy, or maybe Grandpa be more of a man, he might just be the key reason his children and grandchildren are still living for God and have good marriages. Forgiving others opens us all up to receiving God’s forgiveness.

Matt. 6:14 For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you:

Matt. 6:15 But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

There’s no hope for the children of bitterness!
The children of bitterness don’t stand a chance.
How long will you let your war go on?
Don’t live like Ted!
Don’t die like Ted!
If you are bitter, what future does your marriage have?
If you are bitter, what future do your children have?

Heb. 12:15 Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled;

Children of Bitterness…What will your Epitaph be?

Written by Martyn Ballestero

February 24, 2010 at 9:03 am

Posted in Bitterness, Christian Living, Family, Personal Growth

If You Are NOT The Pastor’s Son, You Have To Be Smarter Than Average!

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If You Are NOT The Pastor’s Son, You Have To Be Smarter Than Average!

When I was a very young preacher, I was asked by my Father to preach a midweek service. I preached on hell. Everyone hurriedly came to altar including my own Mother. While everyone was crying and praying, Dad invited me into the Church Office, adjoining the platform. He told me to sit down, he closed the door and locked it.

Dad said, “What you preached tonight was good and needed to be preached. But you didn’t give anyone a way out. They don’t have to go to hell you know.” I started to cry in shame. He continued, “Don’t EVER get up in my pulpit again and preach on judgment without giving people a way out. I couldn’t stop apologizing.

Six weeks or so later, I was asked to preach on a Saturday night Praise and Worship Service at our Church. I preached some little thought and the people shouted and ran the aisles. A few guys even ran the backs of the pews. I felt great because of the feeling of “high church” we were enjoying.

When I stepped out of the pulpit and turned around, I was still sweaty, and breathing hard. Daddy caught the lapels of my coat and pulled me up close to him and said, “Now what degree of consecration and study did that take? That sermon did not require any study on your part! That was just a little something you threw together. That was just some buzz words, mumbo jumbo, and shallow thinking. Don’t EVER do that again”

And then he said it again, “Don’t EVER get in my pulpit again without applying yourself. Without studying and seeking God. Don’t ever be content to be shallow. Neither you nor these people will remember one thing you preached tomorrow. If you have a choice between being an Exhorter or being a Feeder, be a Feeder because Feeders build churches.”

Now, If I wasn’t the Pastor’s son, I could have gotten a rotten spirit and attitude. I COULD have thought, “Well you just can’t make this old guy happy. You preach on hell and they run to the altar. He finds fault. You preach it sky high and a mile wide, he finds fault. There is just no pleasing him. Maybe God is trying to make me uncomfortable here. Maybe God is telling me it is time to get out of the nest and take my ministry to the next level and move on.

I understood that my Father, who was never harsh in his attempts to correct me, was trying now to help me be the best that I could be.

A Father will say things to a son he might not say to another young man. Because the other young man might feel the Pastor is dedicated to running him off. This man may not readily see that the Pastor is trying to develop his ministry so that God will bless and use him.

That’s why I think, “If you are not the Pastor’s son, you have to be smarter than average.

Whether he’s your Father or not, if he’s your Pastor, Be honored that he took the time to say anything to help you develop. Even if you can’t see at the moment the purpose or need of his correction, later you will love him and thank God for him the rest of your life. Choose NEVER to be offended by the man of God.

Written by Martyn Ballestero

February 18, 2010 at 7:24 am

Posted in Family, Ministry, Personal Growth