When Is It A Bad Time To Call Your Pastor?
When Is It A Bad Time To Call Your Pastor?
My father stood at the pulpit and explained his preferences to the congregation. “It’s OK to mow your yard. You don’t have to call and ask me if it’s the Lord’s will.
“Don’t call me to ask if you should change the baby’s diapers. It’s God’s will. Don’t call me to see if it’s OK if you to go to K-Mart. You don’t have to call and ask permission, it’s OK.
“Don’t call me if your cat has pups. Well, actually if your cat has pups,” He said, “Call me. I’d like to see them.”
Every pastor has been ‘blessed’ with untimely phone calls. There apparently is a button on the pastor’s behind that makes the phone ring when he sits down for a family meal. He knows what it’s like to get calls in the middle of the night as well.
Too often, phones ring 24 hours a day in a Pastor’s world. Not only does he have a house phone, his cell phone makes a tether that ties him forever to the needs of everyone.
Some callers only focus on their needs and feel like calling the Pastor is somehow equal to calling Directory Assistance. It’s there, so why not call if the thought strikes you. They feel that Pastors are paid to answer all their phone calls.
When is the best time to call? When is it ever a bad time? I would never advise someone not to call the Pastor when they really do need help. But I do ask that your Pastor’s personal life be respected.
Ask yourself:
- Is this call an emergency?
- Are you sick and need prayer?
- Do you just need advice or have a question that needs to be answered?
- Are you going on a trip and need to let him know?
- Do you have to miss the church?
Cell phones were invented in the 1970’s. Phone Mate introduced their Answering Machine in the 70’s. Caller ID was invented about the same time. Until that time, Pastors only had house phones and if they were out, you had to wait until they came home.
Now days, we have somehow developed the idea that he is at everyone’s beck and call 24/7. No wonder the stress level in the parsonage rises above acceptable levels at times. At some Pastor’s homes, it seems the phone never stops ringing.
Society regards your Pastor as a Professional. He is treated by the outside world with deference and respect. We should do the same. Speaking of Professionals…
What hours do Professionals accept phone calls from their patients, clients or contacts?
Doctors have office hours, something like 8:30am to 4:30pm. And, do not call during lunch because it will go to directly to voicemail. After hours, your call to the good Doctor will connect you with his Answering Service. They determine if it is a worthy enough message to pass along.
Dentists have a similar setup.
Lawyers and Private Detectives follow suit.
Government Officials like State Representatives and Congressmen do the same.
Bankers, well you know about them.
Even the Mayor will get back with you in the morning.
Yet we unknowingly invade our Pastor’s personal time and rob him of family moments on a regular basis. It’s wrong and unfair. His wife and children are often robbed of one on one time with him because of the phone calls.
Please, before you pick up the cell to call or text your Pastor, look at the clock. Then ask yourself if the call is really that urgent. Can it wait? Be considerate. If it’s mealtime, don’t call at all.
If it’s after supper, realize he too enjoys his home and his family. Let him. Let him have time to rest and recoup from the day. Call him during the same hours you would call any other Professional.
A rested and strong Pastor will always be able to serve your needs better. Thank you for remembering and being considerate.
God bless you for your thoughtfulness, and God bless your Pastor.
By The Way… If you happen to have your pastor’s cell phone number or his private line at home, do NOT give it out unless he has made that number public. Guard his privacy. Thank you!
(On the other hand, I’m an Evangelist, and Evangelists are willing to receive phone calls and invitations and from Pastors any time of the day!)
Pardon Me!
Pardon Me
Naaman stood before the Prophet Elisha a healed man. His dignity had been restored. He had a new lease on life. His death sentence had been lifted. He could now proceed in life with unlimited possibilities.
He was not an Israelite. His family had always been idolaters and heathens. Yet this man in front of him had come up with the magic formula for his healing. His leprosy was gone. Not only was the disease gone, but his skin now looked like baby skin. That was an additional miracle. This Prophet was truly a man of God.
Naaman felt a duty to be respectful of the God of Israel. He didn’t know what the response was going to be.
Naaman’s King, King Benhadad was a little feeble and getting up in years. The King had been very kind to him. He also depended on Naaman very much. Not only was Naaman the King’s friend, he went with the King to worship in the House of Rimmon, because the king had a hard time kneeling and getting back up.
2Kings 5:18 In this thing the LORD pardon thy servant, that when my master goeth into the house of Rimmon to worship there, and he leaneth on my hand, and I bow myself in the house of Rimmon: when I bow down myself in the house of Rimmon, the LORD pardon thy servant in this thing.
- “I know that this is something I’m not supposed to do, but would it be OK ?”
- “Could you make an exception for me?”
- “I have some mitigating circumstances.”
- “I’m grateful for my miracle, but I’m under a lot of pressure from my boss.”
- “I believe what I have experienced was real, but I still want to go to my old church.”
- “I’m going to need an indulgence.”
Conviction began to grip the heart of Naaman. He was talking to Jehovah’s Prophet. Naaman wanted to do right, but just had a hard time letting go of his old life style.
He couldn’t easily disconnect. The pressure to convert to Judaism was great. The pressure to not displease his King was great. He was torn. What do I do? How can I get through this? In his mind the only ‘out’ was to ask permission and that’s what he did. It looked like he had half-hearted faith.
Although this first happened thousands of years ago, it’s still happening in many churches around the world today.
Old and young alike that have been filled with the Holy Ghost and delivered from sin, have been known to ask for exceptions.
- “Pastor, is it OK if I do this?
- Pastor is it OK if I go over there?
- I know what you preached, but let me explain my situation.
As a pastor, it often seemed that most people who came to my office and asked, “Is it OK if I do this or that,” were somehow asking how much they could get away with and still be saved.
That may have been an over-reach on my part, but the fact remains there will always be a struggle in the heart of flesh. A choice must be made in serving either God or Mammon. We can’t do both.
Fall in love with Jesus, and let go of the world. The most miserable people in church are those that are half in and half out.
The Day The Devil Read My Palm
The Day The Devil Read My Palm
On a cold winter’s evening, in the early 1960’s, I stood in the historic old Walgreens, downtown Chicago on State Street. I was killing time waiting for my parents to get their shopping done. Our Evangelist, Kenneth Phillips and his wife Wanda were with my folks in another store.
Post Card: Chicago Walgreens on State St.
I was the odd duck. I was still single and a teenager. The couples had managed to disappear leaving me to my own devises. We were to meet in an hour and a half for supper. I wandered around for a while looking at the items for sale.
Snow was on the ground. I wore a long trench coat, but no hat. My coat was buttoned to the top and my hands were jammed down into the pockets.
I turned off the main aisle near the back of the store. In front of me was a lady sitting behind a folding card table. Her hands were in her lap. The lady had shoulder length dark hair and wore dark slacks. She appeared to be in her early thirties.
The handwritten sign taped to the card table said: “Palms Read For $1.00”
Although I knew Christians weren’t supposed to have their palms read, curiosity began to stir within me.
The lady looked harmless enough. The only thing on the table was a deck of playing cards. She smiled and nodded as if to reassure me.
A quick look around the busy old store confirmed that no Pentecostals were in sight to tell on me. My Parents and the Evangelist were nowhere to be seen.
My Father preached against Astrologers, Palm Readers, Spiritism, Séances and following Horoscopes and I knew it. Guilt was warning to turn away. But like a bug to the light bulb, I seemed drawn.
I finally pulled a dollar out of my pocket and laid it on the table. She picked up the deck of cards and said, “Cut it.”
I’d never cut a deck of cards before and I’m sure it showed. It was a black 10 that was turned face up. She looked but said nothing.
She reached out for my hand, and I extended it, palm up. She took it in both of hers and some traced lines across my palm.
When she was done, she dropped my hand and leaned back in her chair and spoke.
“You will marry an old-fashioned girl who will always wear dresses and will never cut her hair.”
A cold that was colder than a winter’s chill went all through me. I could ‘feel’ what I knew I shouldn’t be ‘feeling.’ Hair stood up on my arms.
I turned and ran from down the aisle of Walgreens out into the bitter cold night.
- How did she know?
- That wasn’t God!
- I knew that wasn’t God beyond all doubt.
- The devil knew about me!
- The devil helped her read my palm!
- That woman had a spirit of divination upon her.
- Even the devil knew what kind of girl I would marry.
In fear I repented to God, and out of fear didn’t tell my parents of my foolish deed.
Years have past now, and I find myself of late, listening to stories of modern-day ‘Prophets’ who tell people things about their lives.
In my young Christian experience, men such as Bro. Verbal Bean and Bro. Joe Duke discerned the sins and called out the sinful in our church in South Bend, Indiana. Their walk with God and their spiritual accuracy brought repentance and revival.
Today, the modern ‘Prophets’ don’t do that anymore, all they seem to prophesy about is Blessings, Healings and Prosperity. Crowds flock to hear them. People will give wonderful offerings to these men. (There is no money to be made in discerning sin.)
I’ve known men who try to discern people’s names or tell them what their phone number or street address is. The onlookers are overwhelmed, thinking, this must be God.
There is NO Bible precedent for that. There is no example of that in the Book. Yet today’s church crowd will drive 100 miles to hear some one get called out and prophesied over. But these same folks won’t drive 2 miles to hear an old-fashioned ‘Word’ preacher. It’s boring!
Has God Changed? Or do we have itching ears? Are we the generation that only wants to hear smooth things preached?
Sure, I believe in the ‘Gifts’ of the Spirit. I just have a problem with those that sound like they need a chair, and a folding card table with a sign.
Yes, we all need healings and blessings. But if the truth was spoken, we need some fearless men of God that aren’t afraid to preach the word today, a whole lot more.
Let God use you in Prophesy if He has given you the ‘Gift.’ Just don’t cheapen your ‘ministry’ and sound like you work part-time at Walgreens.
Make sure it’s the Holy Ghost and NOT the spirit of divination.
1 John 4:1 Beloved, believe not every spirit, but try the spirits whether they are of God: because many false prophets are gone out into the world.
The Devil Made Me Say It
The Devil Made Me Say It
Years ago an old friend and I talked as we rode in my van. In time, the conversation included some unkind remarks that a mutual acquaintance had said concerning me.
“Why, he’s awful nice to my face,” I said, trying to defend the critic in my mind.
“I know he is, but I just wanted you to know what he has said about you to me and to a half a dozen other guys.”
For the life of me, I couldn’t see what would make this mutual acquaintance say unkind things about me. I was caught off guard.
Searching my memory, I could find nothing that would justify such unkindness. We weren’t close friends, but we had never been enemies. Why would he be two-faced like that?
When we arrived, I entered the building and immediately was informed that the mutual acquaintance was there in the hallway ‘holding court’.
“He’s talking about you right now,” someone informed me.
As I turned the corner in the hall, there he stood with about eight others. The conversation stopped and all eyes looked on me. Guilt was on their faces. I walked into the group and shook hands all the way around. I saved shaking the mutual acquaintance’s hand for last.
“How you doing, ‘John’? I asked.
“So, you do remember my face, don’t you?” He said with a smirk.
“John,” I replied, “I never forget a face, and I’ll always remember both of yours.”
I smiled innocently and then continued on down the hall.
(The devil made me say it. “Get behind me devil!”)
The Power Of Babble
The Power Of Babble
Prov. 10:19 In the multitude of words there wanteth not sin: but he that refraineth his lips is wise.
- If you talk long enough, sin will enter the picture.
- God’s word warns us about what we say.
Notice These Three Different Words.
(1.) Talebearer
Prov. 18:8 The words of a talebearer are as wounds, and they go down into the innermost parts of the belly
- Words hurt. True or not, they hurt. The hurt will last for a long time.
- We don’t white wash ourselves by blackening others.
Some people are clearinghouses for rumors. They know all the gossip. They have no desire or intention of verifying the story. The gossip will not be checked out. (It seems they want to believe the worst.) They just pass it along, oblivious of the damage and destruction their words cause.
Remember, you’ll reap what you sow.
God’s Bookkeeper never makes a mistake. Someday there will be a Divine accounting. You cannot injure one of His ‘Little’ ones and get away with it. It would be better that there was a milestone tied around your neck. God monitors your words.
(2.) Prating
Diotrephes loved the preeminence, or in plainer words, he loved being in charge. The appearance of the Apostle John was a threat to him. His reaction was to talk about John to the local church people and try to destroy his reputation with malicious gossip. The Apostle exposed Diotrephes for what he was.
3John 9 I wrote unto the church: but Diotrephes, who loveth to have the preeminence among them, receiveth us not.
3 John 10 Wherefore, if I come, I will remember his deeds which he doeth, prating against us with malicious words: and not content therewith, neither doth he himself receive the brethren, and forbiddeth them that would, and casteth them out of the church.
It is human nature to shoot arrows at folks that our carnal flesh perceives to be higher up or in leadership. We want to bring them down to our level… or lower.
Some people think themselves superior spiritually, doctrinally, or maybe even intellectually. They see the sin in every one but themselves.
- They delight in half-truths if it will help further their cause.
- They are willing to believe the worst.
- They will not return phone calls that would have answered their questions. Nor answer emails so that the problem can be corrected. They want to believe what they believe.
- Their mind is made up.
- God is not happy with these self-righteous assassins.
(3.) Accusations
1Tim. 5:19 Against an elder receive not an accusation, but before two or three witnesses.
I know the Bible says not to even listen to an accusation against a man of God unless you can produce two people who were there and witnessed it themselves. Why not take that a step further and not receive an accusation about anyone unless you have two witnesses?
Why Are We Mortals So Quick To Believe A Story, Even If It Is A Lie?
A number of years ago, I was in a room with four other men. The host announced that a ‘Brother’ had a serious problem.
“What kind of problem,” I asked.
“Moral problems.”
“That’s not good,” I said.
I heard a noise behind me and I saw Bro. Steve Pixler sliding slowly down the wall on the stairsteps. It was like he’d been shot and the strength to stand was no longer in him. He crumpled.
I turned to Bro. Pixler and said, “I don’t know this Brother we’re talking about. I’ve never met him. I couldn’t pull him out of a police line up. But I like how your body language defends him and is hurt just thinking a bad thought about him. Like Louis L’Amour would say, ‘You’ll do to ride the river with.”
Turning back to the host I asked, “Who is making the allegation?
“His Wife.”
That’s not good.”
“Who else?”
“No one.”
“Then let the record show right here that this conversation is over. I cannot receive an accusation against him unless there are two witnesses. As far as I’m concerned this conversation never took place.”
The next day, it was proven to be a false charge. The wife’s over medication had created a psychotic reaction.
Another man thanked me for defending this man I didn’t know.
My response was, “Don’t thank me, it’s like paying my tithes, that’s what I’m supposed to do.”
How many rumors could we stop, if we just refused to hear it out?
God Hates These Six Things
- A proud look,
- 2. A lying tongue,
- Hands that shed innocent blood,
- An heart that deviseth wicked imaginations,
- Feet that be swift in running to mischief,
- 6. A false witness that speaketh lies,
This Seventh One, Is An Abomination In God’s Eyes…
7. He that soweth discord among brethren.
Prov. 6:16 These six things doth the LORD hate: yea, seven are an abomination unto him:
Prov. 6:17 A proud look, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood,
Prov. 6:18 An heart that deviseth wicked imaginations, feet that be swift in running to mischief,
Prov. 6:19 A false witness that speaketh lies, and he that soweth discord among brethren.
Are you saying or repeating things that might bring injury to one of God children? If you wish to be saved, repent, make it right and never do it again!
Don’t Come Out Of The Closet!
Don’t Come Out Of The Closet!
That’s my advice.
My opinion is that it’s safer to be “In” the Closet, than “Out.”
People will talk about you more when you “Come Out” of the Closet, than if you had stayed “In”.
You will be more respected by the world and even by the church if you don’t “Come Out”.
Your friends and especially your spouse will love you more if you stay “In” the Closet.
More negative things happen to those that “Come Out” of the Closet, than to those that stay “In”.
Those that stay “In” the Closet are a bigger blessing during the Worship and are a better witness to the lost.
God will bless you more if you stay “In” the Closet.
- Matt. 6:6 But thou, when thou prayest, enter into thy closet, and when thou hast shut thy door, pray to thy Father which is in secret; and thy Father which seeth in secret shall reward thee openly.
- 1Th. 5:17 Pray without ceasing.
Stay In The Closet!
They Don’t Make Them Like They Used To!
They Don’t Make Them Like They Used To!
I can still see the teasing smirk on my Dad’s face and hear the humor in his voice, as he commented on my youthful ineptness. “Aw, they don’t make them like they used to!”
That was a joke for years. We would both laugh at its accuracy. Some things a kid just can’t quite do like his Dad, yet.
When my oldest son was about 7, one day I remarked to him in my Father’s tone of voice, “Aw, they don’t make them like they used to.” We laughed.
It dawned on me at that moment that maybe my Grandpa used to say that to my Dad. It looks like each generation thinks that of the generations that follow.
Building The New Temple
Younger generations of worshippers seem to get upset with their father’s attachment to older things. That very emotion was illustrated in the building of the new Temple after Solomon’s was destroyed.
The younger men rejoiced and the old men wept. They fathers had seen the first Temple. There was no comparison in their eyes. They wept.
The young men had never seen the old Temple and were just happy that there was any kind of Temple. The sound of rejoicing was mingled with the sound of weeping.
The old school always looks at the new and thinks: “They don’t make them like they used to.” Because they remember.
Pastor Ben Pemperton
Brother Ben Pemperton pastored a fairly large church in Saint Louis, after World War II. He was a bachelor until he died.
The following story was told at his funeral. He was out in the aisle preaching on a Sunday night, when a first time visitor walked in. She sat down in an aisle seat next to one of the women in the church.
Bro. Pemperton stopped his sermon and spoke to the new lady.
“We’re glad to have you here tonight.”
“Thank you”
“Do you want to go to Heaven?”
“Yes.”
“Do you want to be saved?”
“Yes”
“Then, whatever you do, don’t sit beside the lady on your right. She’s the biggest long-tongued gossip in this church. Sit anywhere else in this church but next her and you’ll be alright.”
The visitor got up and moved across the aisle and sat beside someone else.
At the funeral, some 30 years later, the “visiting lady” paid tribute to her pastor. She thanked God that her pastor was brave enough to tell people the truth. Because of him, she said, “She was saved today.”
Some of my Gentle Readers, may have cringed at the reading of such boldness by the former friend of my father.
Pastors in this generation have been presented with a lawsuit for saying less. Some congregations would not welcome Pastor Pemberton’s candor.
It sometimes seems this generation wishes to be more politically correct than Biblically correct.
We Soon Forget Bible Examples Of:
- Peter confronting Ananias and Sapphira in Acts 5:1-10.
- Paul’s correction of the Corinthian church and the adulterer in 1 Cor. 5:1-5.
- Paul telling a man that he was going to be blind for a season. Acts 13:11.
Paul Wrote To Timothy:
- 1 Tim. 5:20 Them that sin rebuke before all, that others also may fear.
Many in the pulpit today are namby pamby politicians, and too many in the audience would resent a pastor that spoke with plainness of speech like Paul did.
They don’t make them like they used to!
With that being said, one can only imagine how refreshing it is for “old school” saints to visit an old-time Apostolic Church.
I’m not fusing about the new music, because the Bible says to sing s new song. (But, it didn’t say to throw all the old ones away.)
I’m just saying, “They don’t make them like they used to.”
- You don’t want a pastor that tells you if you are wrong or sinning?
- You don’t want anyone correcting you or your family?
- Then there is already Bible about your generation.
2 Tim. 4:3 For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine; but after their own lusts shall they heap to themselves teachers, having itching ears;
That time is already here.
They don’t make them like they used to!
Saying ‘Good-Bye’ To Friends
Saying ‘Good-Bye’ To Friends
Saying Good-Bye to friends is not easy. In my experience, tears have been involved from time to time. It’s hard to say Good-Bye to those you love and those who mean so much to you.
Saying Good-Bye To Supposed Friends:
Friendships can be transient. Some people come and go in your life. They just move on without warning. Maybe they outgrow you or they focus on other things. I don’t have that answer. But it doesn’t feel good.
Some Friends have even been known to turn on their old friends. It uncomfortable to see someone who used to be a Friend and now they avoid even making eye contact with you. Or, if they do speak, it’s cool and not warm like it used to be. The emptiness in your heart is deep when you walk away. The sense of loss is almost overwhelming. New friends are a medicine and a replenishment of the soul.
Saying Good-Bye To A Former Friend:
Looking back over a lifetime, I had friends in school whose names I can’t even remember now. A couple of my friends were so important to me at the time, that I included them in my wedding. Today I don’t know their phone number, their address or how many grandchildren they have. We haven’t talked in several decades. Back then I thought we were friends.
Saying Good-Bye to some friends is gradual. With others, it’s a much quicker process.
Saying Good-Bye To Dear Friends:
The last several weeks have been horrible for a number of Pentecostal families, for several churches and for many of my ministering friends.
The recent news of the passing of beloved men of God or their family members has brought tears to many of our eyes. Some men so impact your heart that you’re never quite the same. Their death leaves a major void in your life. Their family’s tears rip your heart out.
Funerals are hard for us. We call them ‘Home Goings” and do our best to rejoice that the departed has kept the Faith and finished their course and are now are now resting in Jesus. Yet tears still flow freely because we feel the loss so deeply.
Maybe they didn’t call us on the phone everyday, but when they saw you, the fellowship picked right back up from where you left off. They treated you warmly and hugged you like they meant it. They made you feel like you were their very dear friend.
The past week and this coming week find me already missing my recently departed friends. May they rest in Peace, and may the Prince of Peace comfort the hearts of the families and friends left behind.
Some day we will all say Good-Bye to this old world. We look forward to going to a place where none of us shall ever have to say Good-bye again.
Biblical Promise: No More Separation
Rev. 21:1 And I saw a new heaven and a new earth: for the first heaven and the first earth were passed away; and there was no more sea.
- The sea separates. There will be no more sea over there.
Biblical Promise: No More Tears
Rev. 21:4 And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.
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What A Day That Will Be
Words & Music by Jim Hill
There is coming a day,
When no heart aches shall come,
No more clouds in the sky,
No more tears to dim the eye,
All is peace forever more,
On that happy golden shore,
What a day, glorious day that will be.
Chorus:
What a day that will be,
When my Jesus I shall see,
And I look upon His face,
The One who saved me by His grace;
When He takes me by the hand,
And leads me through the Promised Land,
What a day, glorious day that will be.
There’ll be no sorrow there,
No more burdens to bear,
No more sickness, no pain,
No more parting over there;
And forever I will be,
With the One who died for me,
What a day, glorious day that will be.
Chorus:
What a day that will be,
When my Jesus I shall see,
And I look upon His face,
The One who saved me by His grace;
When He takes me by the hand,
And leads me through the Promised Land,
What a day, glorious day that will be
The Ballestero Blog Celebrates It’s First Birthday!
Today is the last day of this year. As 2010 comes to a close, we all of memories of special events in our lives and in the world that happened within the last 365 days.
Most of us have seen both days of laughter and even a few days of tears. Nevertheless, we’re still here and hoping for the best in 2011.
The ending of this year also brings closure to the first year of The Ballestero Blog.
I wish to especially thank my Son-In-Law, Pastor Brandon Hartzell of Cary, NC for his encouragement to blog. Without his expertise and guidance, I’m not sure I could have undertaken and this endeavor. I thank him for his patience. He just has to be the best Son-In-Law in the world!
Most of all, I want to thank every reader. I thank each one of you that clicked on a post and took time from their day to read my ramblings. I am very honored. Thank you.
Of all the blogs on the Internet, you paused to read mine. I am humbled by the reader response, the hits on the site and all the kind comments.
May God bless us all and give us a Happy New Year.
In His Service,
Martyn Ballestero
If You Were A Gentleman!
If You Were A Gentleman!
- Man is not born a Gentleman; he’s made into one.
- Someone had to help him.
- He had to be taught.
- Either his parents, his family, the woman he loves, or his friends participated in his education.
- If you were a Gentleman, it wouldn’t be an accident. There are some things you would do and some things you wouldn’t.
For Example:
At 13, my mother instructed me to pull out the chairs at the table for my 4 younger sisters. She also told me she wanted me to open the doors for them as well.
I was not thrilled at all with my new duties. I did it, but without enthusiasm or smiles. When we were alone one day, I asked my mother why I had to pull out chairs and open doors for my little sisters.
She said, “If you don’t know how to treat your sisters nice, you’ll never know how to treat your wife nice.”
Women notice not only the obvious, but they are keenly aware of the little things that guys do every day.
While some behavior is acceptable around most guys, the women, the men are attracted to, might not welcome it.
__________________________
Here’s Some Advice You Never Asked For, Didn’t Want, And Became Offended When It Was Given To You.
__________________________
Some Do’s And Don’ts:
1. Include The Pastor (And God) In Your Courtship
- Ask his opinion of her.
- Ask him if he would approve of you two ‘seeing each other.’
- Invite him to pray with you about her.
- A relationship with a wrong person may destroy you.
- Someone worth marrying is most often found worshipping or around an altar, not hanging around the foyer.
- Break up with her, if your Pastor advises you to. Be thankful that he is watching for your soul.
- Be very worried if your parents don’t like her.
- Honor their requests.
2. Be On Time
3. Hygiene:
- Take a shower, we have showerhead systems available cheap these days, use soap.
- Deodorant is a must. Not a Musk.
- Brush your teeth. At least one of them.
- Use mouthwash if necessary.
- Sanitary wipes are important. Use them.
- Use the Q-tips. Clean out your ears.
- Cologne can be smelled from afar. It can be overwhelming. Be careful.
4. Clothes:
- Polish your shoes.
- Clean and trim your fingernails.
- Don’t mix blacks and browns
- Find a tie without any food stains
- By dressing up for her, you are sending the signal that you think she is important.
- (Why do guys so quickly fall into a relaxed mode when it comes to chivalry, etiquette and manners? Every guy needs some help in one or more of these areas.)
- Remember: EVERYTHING you say, do, and wear on important occasions, will be forever remembered.
5. Dining Manners:
- Open all doors for her.
- Pull the chair out for the lady when she is being seated.
- Pull the chair out for the lady when it is time to leave.
- Help her with her coat. (On or off.)
- When a lady stands to leave a table to go to the powder room, a gentleman stands while she leaves the table.
- He stands again when a lady returns to the table.
- Always chew with your mouth closed
- Don’t talk with your mouth full.
- Take modest sized bites
- Avoid ordering food with garlic.
- Don’t use your finger to shove food onto your fork. Use a properly sharpened knife and fork or some bread or pita.
- Place your napkin in your lap and not in your collar.
- Do not eat as if you were condemned.
- Women are grossed out immediately by bad table manners.
- When you pay the waiter, don’t be stingy and tip to the exact cent.
- You can look at a check and figure 10% in your head. Round it off and then double it.
- She will figure, that if you are tight with the waitress, you will be tight with her. She will be right.
- No burping, passing gas or spitting.
6. Conversation:
- Former girlfriends should not be entering into your conversations.
- Ask her questions about herself.
- Don’t yap on and on about you.
- Most Men love with their eyes, most Women love with their ears.
- Talk to the Girl. (About Herself!)
7. Wedding Plans: (If you ever make it that far)
- If you dominate the plans concerning the wedding, you’re not wise.
- A Wedding is the ultimate social event in a woman’s life. Let her have all the free rein she needs in it’s planning.
- Follow her lead. You won’t be sorry.
- Any negativity from you will not be forgotten.
8. Don’t sound like a control freak to her.
- Even if her music is different from what you like, let her play it.
- There will be time to play yours.
- Let her be the keeper of the home.
- Let her decorate the way that makes her happy.
- Sometimes you win by surrendering.
- It’s OK to let your heart and your head get a little mushy about the girl.
9. Hats
- Take your hat or cap off when you meet a lady.
- Take it off in the elevator
- Take it off in the church
- Take it off at the table
10. Bring flowers. Bring Candy, Don’t be cheap.
11. The Male Ego
- A Gentleman does not have to thump his chest and act like Tarzan to be a man.
- Use your physical strengths to be a blessing, not a brawler.
- Men seem to want the woman to submit to their authority after marriage, yet some men struggle with submitting to God’s authority or even Pastoral authority.
- Why should she submit to you when you won’t submit?
- A Gentleman never sits when a lady has to stand. On a bus, in a waiting room, or any other crowded setting. Give her your seat.
- Never require of another what you would not be willing to do yourself.
- The real measure of a man is not his biceps or chest size. A true measure of a man is between his ears. His thinking, his decisions, his choices are indicators of his maturity.
- Get a job, search on the top job search websites. A steady job. Keep your job. Don’t quit it because you found something you didn’t like about it. Have consistency in your life.
- Pay your bills.
- Be a man. Don’t just talk the talk, walk the walk.
12. Your Eyes
- Like the Bible says, ‘make a covenant’ with your eyes.
- Look her in the eyes when you are talking.
- Don’t stare at her chest.
- (God forbid you be seen staring at another girl’s body in her presence.)
- A Christian Gentleman doesn’t ogle a lady’s physical attributes. Look her in the eyes!
13. Dress Size
- If you are determined that a girl has to be a certain dress size for you to be interested, then a dress size may all you ever get out of that relationship
- Don’t rob yourself of possibly the best kept Treasure in Pentecost, just because you are hung up on what you think a woman’s dress size should be.
14. Who’s Going to Pay?
- Never let her pay for your food, or your gas, for that matter.
- A Gentleman pays for all the expenses.
- You are the ‘pursuer’ so you do the paying.
- She will love you if you’re rich or poor. If you don’t have a lot of money, she understands. Just do what you can afford to do.
- Don’t be a piker or be skimpy on what you spend on her. She will resent the fact that, if you do have some money, you were too tight to spend it on her.
- She will be quick to appreciate your sacrifice.
- Just because you bought her a hamburger, doesn’t mean she OWES you anything!
15. The Nose
- If you must blow your nose… excuse yourself,
- Leave the table to do it if possible.
- If you can’t, turn your back to the table guests, take care of your business and then pocket the filled handkerchief.
- Never place a napkin with filled with snot back on the table. Especially if the boogers are showing.
- Remember, a wet nose is only tolerated on dogs.
- PS. If a cold or sinus drainage is an issue, try medication.
- Keep your finger out of your nose.
- No booger picking or flipping.
16. The Phone
- When you call a girl’s house and her parents or siblings answer the phone, take a few moments and talk to them.
- Never blurt out immediately, “Is _____ There?”
- Your taking time to talk to the Mother or Father will go a long way in helping your future with the family.
- When you are together, don’t spend your time texting other people. Focus on who you are with.
- Never text and drive.
- Your texting and calling other people at the table tells everyone there that they are not important to you.
- I know you don’t text in church.
- Never be part of sending or receiving inappropriate photos and texts.
- If she is willing to send you an inappropriate photo, you have just been warned as to her lack of morals and consecration.
17. The Man Draws The Line
- A Christian Gentleman draws the line.
- He would respect her
- He would never make improper advances or say suggestive things
- He would never touch her in an inappropriate manner or place.
- He would never think of asking her to ‘Prove Her Love”
- He would respect his parents, her parents and their pastor’s guidelines for courtship.
- When a lady says ‘NO’, that means ‘NO”.
- After you say goodnight, if you have to repent before you go to bed, then something is wrong with your relationship.
18. Be A Worshipper
- What does this have to do with courtship? Maybe plenty.
- A man who has a difficult time expressing his love and affection for God, may have a difficult time expressing his affection to the woman he loves.
19. How Long Do You Stay Out?
- Always honor the parental or the pastor’s curfew.
- If there is none then be honorable and have her home BEFORE midnight.
- Protect yourself and protect her, don’t spend a lot of ‘alone time’. There is safety in numbers.
- Inform the parents about where you plan to go and what you plan to do.
- Make sure they have your cell number and invite them to call you if the need arises.
- The Bible already said your flesh is weak. It is weak. Quit trying to prove it’s not. Don’t knowingly put yourself or her in a position to be tempted. There is no girl worth going to hell over.
20. Never Let The Romance Die.
- After marriage, let the courtship continue until your last breath.
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When my mom and dad got married, after the wedding, they had to take a city bus. Dad jumped on first to pay for them both and walked toward the back of the bus. When he turned around, he saw that mother was not on the bus. Looking out of the back window, he saw her still back on the street corner.
He jumped off at the next stop and ran the several blocks back. He asked, “What’s the matter Connie?”
She said, “Where I come from, a gentleman lets a lady on the bus first.”
My father apologized and said, “I’m so sorry. I didn’t have a mother to teach me or have I ever had a sweetheart. Would you teach me?”
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All of us need help; we just need it in different areas. Let her know that if you are doing something that is distracting to her, you are willing to be helped. Then change.
If you treat her like a Queen, she’ll treat you like a King!
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May The Lord Bless You.
Apostolic Expository Series
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James Groce Blog – "Toward The Mark"
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